She was reluctant to see a mediator to come up with a settlement agreement, and wanted to work it out among ourselves. I told her I thought the mediator might be able to see a third option if we got stuck on some issue, and thought it would be good, but she said she thought we were so close it would be a waste of money. She said she would update the draft agreement she sent me months ago. I said fine. That was two weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything.
Friday, I saw her at the lawyer I hired for my son's pot charge. As we were leaving, I asked her about it. "I thought you were going to send me an updated draft. If we don't go to a mediator, how do you want to move forward." She said she was still waiting for her lawyer to update the draft so she could forward it to me. So I guess we're getting the lawyers involved after all. Oh well.
S18's pot bust will probably turn out OK. He's a first time offender, and can be enrolled in an education program, with his record expunged at successful completion. I told W I would pay the whole bill, since she didn't think we needed a lawyer, and she could pay me whatever she wanted and thought was fair. She suggested splitting it in thirds, with S18 paying a share. Surprised me, and I accepted, but we'll see if I see any of that money.
Not much else to report. Moving on, GAL, dating. Cultivating friendships with other guys. Exercising. Sometimes feeling lonely and sad. Most times not. Miss my kids when they're with her. D16 still having trouble completing homework, but I'm working on that. She's seeing a therapist so she can hopefully work out whatever issues prevent her doing her work.
Time and distance have helped me realize what a mess she is. She took notes and made a to-do list on the placemat when we went for lunch. Outside S18's lawyers she told me she lost the paper, and what did I need from her to finish the taxes? Time, distance, and episodes like this have helped me understand that it wasn't just me. I had my flaws, but the blinders are off, and I am not making excuses for her behavior any more.
I think my biggest issue right now is that I still worry about her, because I think she is probably clinically depressed, but denies it. Her behavior is just plain weird. For someone who professes happiness, she spends an awful lot of time cloistered in her room watching TV (my impression from the state of her house, and offhand remarks by the kids. They are protective of her, and don't tell me about her directly.).
But it's not my problem any more, and I keep reminding myself that.
So here I am, two weeks after my last post, and really nothing's changed.....
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
