I have been away for almost a week so I thought I would give an update.
I continue to be in a good place. Still continue to hit the gym almost daily, planning a paintball outing with my buddies in the next several weeks, created a Flickr account for all my photos of me and the girls (and my other outings) and recently got turned onto Spotify so I have been working on my music! The girls had soccer games over the weekend so it was fun to watch. My oldest had 2 goals, my youngest had 3...both teams won so it was a good day! Went to church on Sunday, both girls sang in the choir for both services and got some good video for Grandma and Grandpa. Did some yard work, got stuff for their Easter baskets, etc. so all in all things are really good! I am seeing the finish line in sight!
On the W front.....we go back to court 4/11 so in two weeks our D will be final. She got the condo she wanted and will close on it 5/1. My refi went through last Wednesday so it is now officially mine and the girls.
My W has been reaching out to me almost daily for various different things. Yesterday she just wanted me to know that there was a gas leak in the neighborhood of her school but classes where not cancelled and she was mad that she had to go to school. Then she called me at lunch to tell me she was going to Wendy's to get a hamburger and asked me a question about what she needed to bring to her closing on 5/1. So just stupid crap like that. I don't read into any more and just keep the convo light, etc.
I also saw her BFF at the gym on Sunday morning and she asked me how the camping trip went with me and the girls. I just kept it short and said we had a lot of fun. The only way she would have known is if my W told her so whatever.
She also asked me if I could hold onto her half of the house equity money for her in my savings account (I agreed). She thought it would be easier for her to manage getting bills paid off etc. and TBH she is also horrible with money (she knows this). So needless to say I don't think trust is an issue with her or respect any more. It is a large sum so if it helps her not squander it all away and get her 1/2 of the bills paid which are currently in my name I was willing (I do have a vested interest).
We went to Church together on Sunday, she sent me a picture of the girls eating doughnuts and told me she was getting them game ready. I was like whatever and then when she got to church acted like she didn't want to be there. She is all over the board.
With that said though she is still the same broken person. Now that I have had time and distance I can see clearly. She is all over the place emotionally, seemingly happy one moment and disturbed the next. I can really see her more objectively and can really see her lack of contentment. She has gained some weight and just looks exhausted. Everything in her life has to be a project, she always has to have something to occupy her mental space...she just can't be still. Don't get me wrong I am all for hobbies, interests, etc. but she takes it to a whole new level and constantly bounces from one thing to another (like she is searching). It has to be exhausting and is almost manic. I think I just got used to it or became numb to it over the years but I see it very clearly now that I got some space.
I think what has made this easier for me as I now realize my W was a horrible spouse (heck maybe we both were). Most men probably would not have put up with it as long as I did. One of our really close family friends told me that any man married to my W would be in this position, even Brad Pitt. I did get lazy but I wonder if I got lazy because I wasn't getting from my W what I needed and instead of communicating to her what I needed and working on it I just shut down. I need to think on this one some more.
