Gordie #18: still not divorced

[Gordie]

DNJ, Devvo, Adios,

Thanks for the thoughts. My favorite forgiveness quote which has been on my mind is a Good Friday quote: “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. So during our last R talk back in January when we did have some discussion about what it would take to get back together, I did say: you have no idea how much you have hurt me. And she replied: no, I do not.

I do believe that we are called to forgive as we have been forgiven. We didn’t earn it. We don’t deserve it. God freely and lovingly forgives us. But of course, I am a very flawed and sinful and wounded human being so this is very difficult to do.

Adios, I do like the comments in the article about what forgives is not. It’s not sweeping things under the rug. It’s not pretending that the wrong wasn’t so bad or that the pain inflicted wasn’t real.

DNJ, thanks for the DB questions. For what steps am I looking?

Little steps:

Social - wanting to spend more time with me, wanting to spend more time together as a family

Emotional - right now, all focus remains on her but I’d like for her to express interest in me too

Physical - can we move beyond touching as friends? Could she hold my hand? Let me touch her like a man touches a woman?

Big steps:

Social - wanting to be my wife in public again with friends and family

Emotional - rebuilding trust, taking down walls, wanting to be vulnerable

Physical - rekindling sexual attraction, sleeping together, building a new sex life

Devvo, what’s enough for me? I’m trying to be patient and play the long game. As long as she is doing what she needs to do on her own and is not cheating on me, I am willing to be very patient in waiting for her to grow closer to me and giving us a chance to be more than friends and roommates.