Finding Solutions, Not Distractions..

[Coconut]

Thanks for your comments V, Reading your post made me realize my use of the term PTSD may have been inappropriate. I've not been diagnosed, and I doubt my reaction to triggers even come close to PTSD level, I used the term because it generally describes my reaction and reasoning for it being a trigger.

My cousin and uncle in WV are also vol. firemen, they occasionally post things on social media about it, it always triggers me. When my cousin visited me in NC last year, she mentioned it, and it triggered me. But my reactions aren't uncontrollable, the trigger just brings back negative memories and feelings, when she brought it up in person, I kind of zoned out and disengaged from the conversation with her. Not really how to describe how it makes me feel, it's just uncomfortable and I tend to go into avoidance.

The weird thing is one of my best friends and his wife are full time firefighters, after BD I would go to get togethers at his house with a bunch of other firefighters, for some reason when they brought up the station or work it didn't trigger me the same. Somehow, I think the volunteer thing is what I have attached the negative connotations to.

Anyway, thoughts of new girl being a vol. firefighter woke me out of my sleep 2 hrs early, so it did have some effect on me. I will probably face the pain, and see if that helps alleviate the triggers.

Seeing how much this triggered me makes me worried about how I will deal with trust when I allow someone close enough to need to.