she is still all about herself: I'm dying inside... well, damm, girl... you sure weren't dying inside when you told hoosjim you were going to have a longer session at the gym on Saturday--cardio and weights, my a$$...
I like this lady!! ^^^^^^^^^^^
I agree about paying for some initial sessions. Give her a birthday card and tell her you will use the Mexico birthday trip money to pay for ever how many IC sessions it will purchase. (But that may seem a little b'tchy, so...... leave off the card).
FWIW, I disagree with the counselor's suggestion about staying under the same roof. If anything, I see it destroying any chance of R, b/c to the WW......it looks as if you are comproming. Any H who was/is experiencing in-house S, will tell you it is soul crushing. (Those are the words I've heard them use). It's like having your nose rubbed in her sh't every day. IMHO, your WW needs to believe you are done with her. No more compromising to her terms. Give her physical space and time to experience or discover what means the most to her. If you go home now, she'll start pulling out of IC/MC.......b/c she'll see it as you being weak. It's not true, of course......but it think it's how she'll see it.
As far as her reaching rock bottom (or somewhere close), I don't see it happening if you are staying with her. But while on the subject.........I don't think I've said that every WW had to hit rock bottom before she could make the decision to do the right thing. I have read a few others who claimed to have been taking something from what they read from me, make a similar statement..........but unless I have forgotten, I said some WW's have to reach rock bottom before they start to come around (make the right decisions). Not all WW's have to do it. I have stated that I did not hit rock bottom. I can easily see how quickly it could have occurred, if I had ever left my H. But I did not physically leave the home. Maybe someone else has a different definition, but I consider rock bottom as being nearly destitute.
To be clear, reality hit me. It did not take that much reality to knock some sense into me (thank God), but for some WW's......it takes a lot more. I experienced loss, but not near as much as some WW's. It's not as if your WW cannot make a decision to straighten up and fly right. Don't ever believe this wayward problem is too big or overwhelming her to the point it leaves her incapable of making right choices. Neither does the fact of being the first born or her parents expecting their daughter to behave appropriately excuse her current actions. I don't assume the IC was trying to make excuses for her. I just wanted to throw this in the mix. There are no excuses. There are no mysterious issues that prevent her from being faithful and committed to the MR. She did not suffer consequences, losses, nor reality smacking her in the face (that I am aware), and she did not do the hard work. Second time around needs to be different.
I see you wanting some idea of a time frame. Artista may be able to give you the time it took her, IDK. However, as I tried to point out in the paragraphs above, every WW sitch will vary.
I maintain that if my H had walked out when he first discovered my A, it would not have taken very long to get my rear in gear. I don't say this to encourage you to leave your M. However, I do encourage you not to agree to an in-house type of S. If you feel you must, then there would have to be a few ground rules......but, we know how she feels about rules. If you can't trust her to be faithful, how could you trust her to respect a few ground rules? The LBH sees in-house S as time to work on the MR. But the WW sees it as cake.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The LBH sees in-house S as time to work on the MR. But the WW sees it as cake.