That escalated quickly; WW's A RESUMES(hoosjim#13)

[DonH]

At this point, I have to agree with your C, and it appears with you as well Jim in that separating is not the right move at this point. It sounds like you've got a good C who knows what she's doing. Why then would you not follow her advice? I fully see the challanges of in house separation. The thing is, I think a full separation hurts more than in house will hurt - at least in the near term.

Perhaps could you stay with a friend for a week or two? I really wonder if that's not the best move here. You are not ready to talk or deal with W yet and giving you two weeks away might really help the sitch. Even in two weeks I think you'll get an indicator of which direction W is headed. You'll see a lot in a couple weeks - either way. By that I mean you'll see a lot if she's reverting to her old ways and see just as much if she's really finally trying. I think you'll be in a much better place two weeks from now than you will tomorrow.

Now, I also am seeing two sides from you Jim, making me wonder what you are really thinking. In one breath you are saying things like you are done, you don't want to pay for W's C, you don't want to waste more time, you can't see her turning around. But then I see you being very hopeful like you really don't believe those things and are thinking this is her bottom and this M will be saved. Perhaps those wide swings are normal. I just can't tell where you are REALLY at here.

I would most certainly pay for W's C in the near term. Like I said, the picture will start to form rather quickly. With my W after the incident that turned her, I could just tell. She was holding back, and was not all in, etc. she was holding onto not being back and all in. After our incident, that all stopped and I could tell my W was fully back. She stayed that way for another three years until the big BD. However I reverted back to my old self as well. My changes didn't stick.

That's my best advice - find a friend to stay with for a week or two. W will still see you mean business and this is serious. You'll have space and won't have to R talk with her. You can still GAL. However the path back to R is still there. If she moves out or you do, that path is much harder. Now that may still have to happen. You'll know within weeks to a month. You'll see if W is truly changing or is still in her WW mode. You'll see it. I just think you need to keep that path open. I think that's what C is telling you.