That escalated quickly; WW's A RESUMES(hoosjim#13)

[hoosjim]

did this very thing... I sent H messages saying that I just wanted him and the boys and me to move away, just us four... to get away and start over... that I wanted him, wanted to be married to him... i didn't want anybody else... I don't know why I had done the things I had... I am trying to figure it out... ugh...

Artista, thanks. Your insights are extremely helpful.

Please answer me something, and it is going to sound like I am "Eager to reconcile", which I think would be a mischaracterization, so just hear me out:

How long, from that point, the desperation and desperate texts, the suicide threat, etc... until you hit rock bottom and were ready to start rebuilding.

I ask this not because I am "eager to get started" but because... I don't know how much longer, if at all, I can or even want to invest in this. IT has been 14 months since I first found out about the affair. The past 8 months of that, and some brief periods of time on and off prior to that, have been devoted, blood, sweat and tears (At least on my part) to trying to save the MR. Yet here we are and once again appear to be at ground zero. I am going to be 52 next month. I love my W, but I don't know if I am willing to invest another year or even year plus in a potentially failing effort to save the marriage... EVEN IF I COULD BE CONVINCED OF HER COMMITMENT TO SUCH.

So when I ask "how long for you", that is where I am coming from... because your sitch, or at least your past WW mindset, seems remarkably similar to my own W's.

And, if you don't mind, what did that period after your meltdown and then the subsequent recovery "look like"? I want to know what I might be in for. I want to be able to make an informed decision if and when the time comes.


ALSO: Completely unrelated to the above-- I am now increasingly in the "phone call in car to bff was a setup believing they were being listened to" camp. MC told me today that she exchanged texts with W and advised her not to pursue me but to give me time and space. I knew they had swapped texts but not that. That exchange occurred I am pretty sure (though still not positive) BEFORE the odd car-trip that W took out to "find" me at the bar. Wife acknowledged receiving such advice in a later text to me... after the car pursuit and the call to bff. Idunno... prolly not even worth worrying about anyway. Even if absolutely everything she said on that phoncon were 100% genuine... I'd still be going "ick" at the things she said. Her mind is just... broken... wayward.