My buddy (W's bff's STBXH) put it very succinctly today, though i think you and Sandi2 have both said something similar:

"She doesn't want to lose you or the MR, but she is not committed to saving it."

H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3