WW's A ended, Now piecing(?) but slow, thread #12

[hoosjim]

Was she saying or implying this was the first time she had seen OM since July? You just happened to catch her the first time they met in person?

She outright said it. I don't remember the exact words. As to "just happening" to catch them "the first time" they reconnected, that's not exactly the dynamic. I had some Intel as well as observances of her behavior that gave me cruising tips based on past patterns and behavior. She honestly hasn't had much if any opportunity to meet with him since probably August. This gym she went to is part of a chain to which she belongs, but this one which is very close to his house, she has only gone to twice, including yesterday. She doesn't have any way to interface with him in real time when she leaves her office. But the Advent of this Marco Polo app set my alarm Bills going, especially when I saw that he was also on that app. That was just this past Friday that she went on. I strongly suspect almost to the point of certainty that is how she coordinated with meeting him there. The previous time she went, I was in the area, and I seriously doubt she would have risked a meet up at that point. Assuming she had been talking to him periodically at work recently, which I think to be the case, based on her behavior and her cues, it is my belief that that is what led to the meeting yesterday. Whether or not she met up with him at any point between then and last July is, I guess, anyone's guess. I will say this ( and this address one of artistas questions as well): well I have plenty of issues obviously with the after-work wine get-togethers, I do not believe, for a number of reasons, that they were used as cover to see the OM. A lot of factors at play that make me believe that, in particular the riskiness of it in that I interface with her colleagues fairly frequently and would quickly discover if she had said she was there and was not as well as the riskiness of being seen by said work colleagues who are frequently there after hours because of on-call responsibilities and can show up in a moment's notice without any warning, but I am pretty confident in my conclusions at least in that regard.

With regard to whether or not they knew they were being recorded, I suppose that that is possible. Apparently, according to my friend, at one point last year after I had made it clear to wife that I knew what was going on, he told me that BFF, whenever she spoke with my wife in the car, would always begin her calls with "hi hoosjim if you're listening" even at no point did I ever fess up or imply that I had put a recorder in the car. This was way back last summer and even late spring I think. My inclination, is that they both believe that I had stopped doing so, based on my statement that I would not do so again, and also based on the conversation that BFF had with my wife in September when she tried to lure her out to OM's hangout and W ended up in tears. I don't think bff would have done that thinking I was listening...not her mo at all to let people believe she is the villain, and the whole thing sounded completely unscripted. So I think they were probably past believing that I was constantly listening in. Also, the conversation yesterday, for a number of reasons, including the fact that wife was not over-the-top committed to me and that there were several equivocal things in the conversation, as well as the tone, and my wife's emotions, that made me think the conversation was genuine. Not, as I said, that that makes me feel any better given the content of what was discussed.

Went to services today at my new church, and I thought the message instructive. And talked about being aware, available, and aggressive, all in the context of meeting other people to their faith, or back to their faith, and calling on the members of the congregation to use this particular week, Holy Week, to do that for someone in your life. I got the strong feeling but that should be my wife, since she is the most obvious candidate in need of some such guidance, having fallen away from her faith a little bit although yet not completely. She and I had been supposed to attend her work friends baptism and Confirmation this coming Sunday Easter, but that obviously won't happen now. I know, opinion on here is pretty strongly favoring me not contacting her at all, but I had mold with the idea of telling her in a text in response to her about two dozen to me at this point that " I have my own appointment scheduled for tomorrow for me. What you decide to do with yourself is your own affair. There is no point trying to schedule anything for us right now because there is no us. I hope that you will spend some time trying to figure you out, either with a counselor or with clergy or through spending some time in prayer during Holy Week." And I reading it back to myself, just sounds stupid. Nonetheless, it is ascending that I would like to convey to her, but not sure how to do so without making myself appear to be on the hook. I do sincerely want her to figure out her mess, and I do sincerely want her to reconnect with her faith, or her. I know that it's not my responsibility to fix her, or, if you listen to our pastor today, maybe it kind of is, at least in the sense of helping lead people in the right direction. I don't know.

Anyway, Something that has to be immediately addressed is the living arrangements. I can obviously tell her that I don't want her to be here and that I am not inclined to abandon the marital home and bedroom since I am not the one guilty of infidelity. The question is, when do I do this. The issue will likely be forced when I return to the home. This will likely be this evening, but at any rate no later than tomorrow morning when I must go by there to pick up a suit and shirt to wear to work because I forgot to grab those when I was there last night. I can almost guarantee that she is not going to back down on that one. The last time, in July, she had initially said she would, but then her spine stiffened after she received Cheerleading from BFF.