WW's A ended, Now piecing(?) but slow, thread #12

[DonH]

I still wonder why her friend invited you to use that App...

Coukd it be this 20-something, religious, grounded girl knew what was going on and wanted to tip you off to it? I mean, why WOULD she invite you to an app that your W was using to communicate with OM?

Next thought: as soon as I heard your W making these comments on tape I thought it was a performance. I thought right away she must think she's being recorded somehow. It was my first thought.

Next: this needs to be like the BD for your W. We've seen over and over here how one spouce, often the husband, is oblivious to the W trying to improve their M. She tries and tries but he never gets it... Until... She drops the bomb and says she's done. It's at that point that he FINALLY gets it and is willing to truly change. Sound familiar?

I've talked on here a bit of how I am involved in addiction, especially with opioids. It's a disease that often does not respond to treatment. What we have found is those with the most to lose respond the best. Someone facing drug charges in court are much more likely to stay clean. Drop the charges and they often relapse. I really see this as the same. In fact OM is much like an addiction. As long as she thinks she is losing you she will try her hardest. Take that away and she is much more likely to relapse.

You are both getting great advice and are doing great. Thing is, this is a marathon not a sprint. This will be months not days or weeks. You really need her to do the work.

Which brings me to this last piece: your W is broken. She really is. She's trying to not be and trying to hold it together but she is broken and needs to get fixed. Like with drug addiction, the first hurdle is admitting the addiction. Your W needs to first admit she needs help. She's acting in a very broken manner. She doesn't know what she wants. Seems to want what she doesn't have. She's looking at and using everyone. She needs to hit her bottom to truly get fixed or like the drug addict, will try to dance and use little bits to try to limp along.

The worst thing yo can do is let her off the hook now. She really needs to feel the pain, hit her bottom, do the work to fix herself and THEN win you back. The game is over. She needs to now win you back!