She must feel the loss Jim. And you have to protect yourself. It has been a very long journey and we hope you can get the best outcome from the current situation.
Is there any chance that your W knew about the car bugging? No chance of acting a script so? We (the WW/WHs) are sometimes cold minded when it comes to self preservation.
If what you heard is true then she must fight for you. She must face reality, OM and bff actions, but she sholud feel loosing you.
Try to stay calm and get some rest alone. Take care of your sons. Be in touch with them. Take your TIME. Remember slow is fast and Stockdale paradox...protect yourself.
