Just a Vanilla change 36

[Vanilla]

RD I am taking my night visitor very seriously I promise. Some friends have gone on holiday for their fortieth anniversary and I am caring for their very elderly rottweiler called Scooby. No teeth and wants to lick you and he adores his aunty V. Nothing to do with gravy bones in pockets, oh not at all.

But he has a loud bark, so I am feeling quite safe.

I think the G is back in Italy, for my sake I won't say how I know, but it doesn't involve snooping.

I bought some clothes and a couple of glam necklaces on eBay for very little cash. I also bid on a couple of items.

I think about philosophical stuff quite a lot these days, maybe it's age.

I have very vivid dreams too. There is a buddist thinking about 'shattering', that ones heart gets shattered and put together in a life time.

I love this idea, I think it was gan who once said there is a porcelain which is repaired with gold and remade. Kintsugi, and that is my core. I have a Kintsugi heart repaired by kindness of strangers with gold leaf and made to be better than before.

It would make a good handle one day. Apt. Kintsugi.

Today someone said to me V, you are an adult now. I am unsure exactly what that meant I was before, but the comment pleased me. Yes, I have grown up and it pleases me to think someone else sees it too.

Buttrfly thank you for your lovely words. It is interesting you ask those questions because it's hard to see shift in oneself. Frankly I never see myself as courageous, I don't think we ever do truly see ourselves as others see us. There are days I barely cope with life, days I don't see the wood for the trees and other days when the world is fine and sunny. These challenges were not those I would have chosen at this stage in life. But these challenges are less than some others have faced, that does not invalidate my challenges. But really V get over yourself already. I look and read about some of the mums and dads on this board with waywards and who are the bedrock for their children, my heart bleeds for them.

Some sitches are so so crazy loco, that when I read them I think WTF! And now I know mine is one of those where this stuff and actions of abusers and waywards are unbelievable. You truly could not make this stuff up. Crazy stuff to be read on here, fermented oatmeal to cure VD and Lyme, going Alaskan, disappearing spouses poof gone, sex trade workers going wild, some of this stuff is truly bonkers. Truly truly bonkers.

Yet lives are rebuilt, hearts repaired with gold and we go on.

So amy I better than I was? Possibly not but I am surely different. I am an adult.

V