WW's A ended, Now piecing(?) but slow, thread #12

[DonH]

Emergency! Anybody answer who can. I followed her to gym. Om showed up about 20 minutes later. They were inside for maybe 20 to 30 minutes together. Then she came out on her own. Proof positive better than any I've ever had.

First of all, I'm going to leave the real advice here to Sandi and artista. They are the true experts. I however do think you need to slow down just a touch and pull a plan together. I'm not sure that the fact that OM walking in by himself and W walked out by herself from a very public place is the same as a smoking gun. It's a clue for sure and it's a boundary getting broken but in your W mind she's still "behaving".

I agree with Sandi that you should have walked inside, confronted them together and then said "I'm done" and walked out. That would have been the most powerful display you could do. She can't deny what is right in front of your eys - spin it perhaps - but not deny it. She could have all sorts of excuses now - "I didn't even see him" or like Sandi said "That's why I left."

If you feel you have to do this today, then you have to simply do the best you can. But planning this out better, catching them together red handed and then saying you are done, from my point of view, is the most powerful.

As for the kids, I have no problem scaring your W about telling them. However, I would not give them these details. They can't do anything about it. One or both has issues as well - why stress them with something they have zero control over? I for certain would not make excuses for your W - saying anything like this is your fault - which is how that will come off if you say it's because you neglected her. Less is more with the kids as well. Mom is involved with another man and there is no way that any M should have that. It's a life lesson for the boys but I would go no further than that. Yes they are close to legal age but whether 9 or 19 it's devastating when parents get D for any children of any age.

I still believe that if you do this right, your W will end up like Sandi and arista - back in a solid M. She has not thought this through. It will hit her so hard that she has been caught and it may cost her her M and life. But then SHE needs to do all of the work to win YOU back. You must make her do this work or you'll end up back in the same place again.

Good luck. Please let us know what happens.