Thank you for checking in on me. Its really appreciated.
I had a setback this past weekend. Im not sure if my wife was testing me, playing games or both. Im probably guilty of trying to understand if shes a was, ww, and/or in a mlc? I just want to know that im taking the best approach to give us the highest probability to keep our family together. I really miss my wife!!!
We had an argument this past Saturday on St Patricks day. I think i carried over some frustration from the prior week(not telling me about the wedding) and it just boiled over. She had gone out with two of her closest friends. Day started with a 9:00an hair appt and she went out shortly after. I also made plans but not till much later, 3:30-4.
As you may recall, she had a situation a few months ago where she was driving back late and went off the road. Thank god nobody was hurt and she didnt end up in a real mess. But it was scary no less. So i decided to text her earlier just to offer her a ride if she didnt feel comfortable driving. Shs replied thank you and i went about my day.
I met my friends around 4 at a place ver close to my house. I was doing driving so i kept it to 2 beers and we hung out till 10. When i got home i was surprised to see that she was still out. She ended up getting in at 11:45. Thats a long day to sit at a bar, and i made a comment to that effect. That pretty much set off the argument. She also told me that the fiancee of one of her friends was also there. They both are previously divorced and are getting married later this year. Even that rubbed me the wrong way because im thinking that he probably invited a friend or two to hang out and they all, im sure are in the know that shes unhappy in her marriage.(i need to let go of this as part of detaching) It really is horrible to think that way but sometimes the mind plays tricks, especially when you're not getting along.
Needless to say i said some emotional things that i shouldnt have and so did she. But what really blew my mind the next day when we were trying to sort things out, she changed her story of what she told me previously. Now she said that she left the bar after dinner and went to her friends house with the fiancee to hang out. Her friend makes crafts and she said that she was just looking at her workspace and crafts. (Mistake) i dont know why she couldnt just tell the truth from the start? And i was also bothered that she couldnt send me a text or something saying that she was ok to drive and/or wouldnt need a ride.
Im still feeling my way through all of this. I haved mixed feeling on a regular basis. I know that i need to detach, but i need ti know how to do it while still living with her? And im also conflicted because i know that has bouts of depression, and i feel obligated to be around her in some manner. And then there is the question of boundaries? How do i come up with and communicate?
What really scares me, is she blames me for everything, and says things that are have no merit. Previously she referred to an incident years ago and said that was the final straw. But after she realized that we had been intimant and had some great times after that, she moved on to something else. This last time she really floored me by saying that she felt like she was held hostage in her own home and has to walk on eggshells. And that she shouldnt have to chronicle everything she does in a day. (Im not asking anything anymore from her.) Also, in our last counsilling session she was asked if she ever felt that she was in any type of danger or scared of anything, and said no emphatically. Ive never layed a hand on a femal in my life and have never prevented her from going out. So this is really scary to me because what if she starts sayinv things like that to others? Thats why i know i have to let go and totally detach!!!
My concern is that we are right in midst of finalising plans for our daughters college. Shes already been accepted to one of the top schools in the country(at least i can be happy about that) and im trying to get all the financing togther. We try and split all the bills but shes been spending a lot on clothes. Buying expensive bathing suits( has like 10) She even joked how this online shopping is going to make everyone go broke. This is so unlike my wife, because she would be putting our kids education first. Shes worked incredibly hard with our kids with school and now hardly at all. My 13 year old is struggling with school and it doesnt even seem to bother my wife. So im trying fill that void as best i can.
So, i think she really is going thru a mlc. And her menstrual sitch is really taking a toll. She has trouble getting out of bed and has no energy for excersize or pretty much anything. Im surprised she can function at work. The good news is that i have plenty to keep me busy. Having just started a new job a few months ago, tons of work around the house(she does nothing but her own laundry) and get all the financing completed for my daughters college. In addition i have to plan her graduation, and my son is playing on an elite travel baseball team. I have plenty to keep me busy. And im going back to the gym today. This really helps alleviate the stress and makes me feel good.
We have been ok(no relationship talk or arguing) the last few days. And she does want to see the councilor soon. We have an appt scheduled next week.
Sorry for the long winded response, but i just needed to get it off my chest.
