I agree that involving the teenagers wasn't a class move BUT I think V you are not looking at it from H perspective.
Many people work long hard hours to provide many extras for their family - is it right? That depends on you.
Does my teenage son take it for granted that my H works long hours so we can have 3 vehicles and my son is able to drive to school everyday and to his activities? YES. Do I need to remind him from time to time what a luxury that is? YES. Do I need to point out that he needs to be appreciative of his step dad for this privilege? YES. Could we as a family get by with only 2 vehicles? YES.
I will tell you that my H at BD felt he was only seen a paycheck to me and my son. Is that how I felt??? NOPE. But, those were his feelings. Was it my H's choice to work ungodly long hours weeks at a time without a day off so we all have smart phones and the biggest cable package - YES. Was he wrong to blame me? Of course he was, but if I made it all about being right my M would be heading for divorce.
I just chose to validate my husbands feelings. Those are indeed HIS feelings. Right or wrong. Once my H saw I could see things from his perspective it really opened him up to mine. Only then could we proceed to fix our M. Once I made sure my H felt appreciated for all the things that V thinks he should do automatically as an H and Dad, my H took ownership of his side of the problems.
He is a stellar dad again and an amazing H. But, if I held on to the fact that he was wrong about his feelings or I was right and that he was just doing his Dad job he would have continued to be miserable and we would have gotten no where.
H just wants to be heard.
Meg - I know and get it how painful last nights conversation was. And in your pain you cannot see his pain. Right or wrong your H is feeling unappreciated. The conversation was a true blow to your ego because you feel he has no right to feel that way. Do you want to be right or do you want a M on the path to healing?
