New LBW, H maybe in MLC and now with OW - part 2

[meg24]

Sooooo, tonight was, hmmm, interesting. H was at the house doing laundry when I got home. He made a point to text me in the afternoon that he was at "my" house doing laundry (even though I already knew that was his plan). When I got home I said hi, he had the usual scowl on his face. I did try to make conversation with him (as you would a house guest), about random things, about my post-up appointments coming up. He didn't really try to do too much conversing back.

While I was cooking he came into the kitchen and said he doesn't know why he comes over because the kids don't make a point to talk to him (they're teenagers, always in their rooms unless there's food). As everyone was getting their plates together s21 was talking to him (the rest of us already at the table) asking if he wants to come home, I heard H's answer above the noise, "nope". After everyone finished we all stayed sitting at the table talking, as we normally do, except H, who got up without saying a word and went to living room. He didn't even try to join conversation (this is key point for what comes up).

I then heard s21 start talking about Fathers Day, H said "we're not celebrating Fathers Day this year". H then says to me a few minutes later that he wants to talk to everyone together before he leaves (me and the kids. I say kids, but - not including s21, they're 19, 17 and 13).

We all sit down and H says let him talk, don't interrupt or say anything. He then proceeds to lay into each of the kids individually about how we all have each other right now, but he doesn't have anyone (he does admit that was his choice, a few times), and he's still their father. He goes on about him being the a--hole right now, but was he the a--hole in the past when he would work to make sure they all had what they wanted (he did list specifics for each one). He said they have made no effort to contact him to see how he's doing, even though he has reached out to them about certain things (not to see how they're doing), for his benefit. He just kept listing all the monetary things he has done for them since they were born. Then he said he didn't want them to say anything to him, he was leaving, think about all that all evening.

After he left, wow, emotions just flowed. I told the kids that he is lashing out to justify his own behavior, s19 and s17 agreed, d13 was just crying. She has never had a bad relationship with H, he had no right to do that to her. He had no right to do that to both boys either. The kids and I talked a lot after he left. I just let them talk. They all pretty much said what I've thought for years, H never was there for them emotionally. Yes, he made sure they had whatever they wanted, but emotionally, he never tried to connect with them. Even D13 agreed.

The boys also told me about how friends of ours are amazed at what's going on, they never would have guess any of this would happen, how H always talked about me (he put me on a pedestal). Even the boys said H was like that until right before Christmas, when he started hanging out with his friend from childhood, whom he's renting studio apartment from now.

I am just amazed that he turned on them like that. He has not tried checking on the kids at all to see how they're doing in all this, he only talks to them when he wants them to do something for him. He is the adult, the father, he should be the one reaching out to them first, not the kids to him.