WW's A ended, Now piecing(?) but slow, thread #12

[hoosjim]

Okay, i am pretty sure i have what i need now. Enough audio to confirm my suspicions. She's carrying on by phone, daily, with OM from her office phone, keeping her cell phone clean (because she has given me access.) She may have a burner somewhere too but that's irrelevant. I will probably tail her tomorrow to gym or leave the house before her and stake it out because i suspect there will be a meet up tomorrow based on what i am pretty sure i heard on the somewhat muffled audio. (I'll be picking up a rental SUV in the morning anyway cause my car's going to the shop, so she's unlikely to recognize it and windows will be dark.)

I need input on how to approach the break up. Maybe, and im holding out a slim hope here, she eventually gets her house in order and comes back... and maybe, just maybe i would still want her back. I just don't want to foreclose anything.

My proposed approach is this: "We need to talk, now. I'm finished doing this. I want you out of the house by the end of the week. You can start moving your stuff out immediately." (Her: "But... why?") Me: "You know why." If she persists: "I told you i would not share you, and if you went back to OM in any way we were through. So, we're through."

And i feel somewhat strongly that i want to add something like this: "I also think we should tell the children. Everything. Yes, that I was neglectful and didn't give my wife their mother the love and attention a husband should, and that you became very lonely. And that why you were so very lonely you started an inappropriate relationship with another man... Mr. OM. And now you have decided you want to continue that relationship and that our MR cant be saved."

"But, but, i have been working on us.. things have been going so much better, havent' they.?" Me: "I wont share you, i was very clear on this from the start. If you are hanging onto the relationship with OM in any way... then you are not "working on us." In fact, you are hurting us. Goodbye.

I know some say the kids shouldn't be told. My kids are 18 and 19. They are good boys. They need to know.

I had a good friend of mine today (W's bff's STBXH) counsel me to not do anything precipitous as long as his STBXW was still in town (she's moving in June to FLA), that my wife was still "with me", and that it is quite likely that with the extremely bad influence of bff out of the way, that my W might come around. I think she'll come around quicker if i give her the boot.

I want to be firm, and resolute, but i don't want to drive her away and burn every bridge.

Input please, this goes down tomorrow or Sunday (after her trip to "see bff and get waxed") at the latest.



Or do i wait til monday and talk to MC/IC first?


And if she says "Why should we tell the kids, dont you want everyone to be "happy"" I would want to say: "Happy?!?" "Because their family is breaking up? Because their mother is cheating on their father? Unhappiness is what affairs and infidelity are! They're lies, and betrayal, and hurt, and pain, and broken homes! Not this happy little fairy tale that your bff keeps spoon feeding you! "

Okay, so that's over the top and would fall on deaf ears, but it felt good to type here.