WW's A ended, Now piecing(?) but slow, thread #12

[hoosjim]

I don't think it's a different OM... I think it's the same OM...

Artista I think you are right. It is a pattern with her. Pull back from OM, "try" with me. At least three or four cycles now. This dates as far back as first BD, at which point she was still telling herself they were "just friends" with "some harmless flirting". After BD, (I think she was shocked she got caught and hadn't anticipated that), she distanced herself from OM, and things got MUCH better between us for about three weeks, like dramatic spike up, us working on things. Not as good as things had been recently, but a dramatic shift from the "no relationship at all" between us that had persisted prior to BD. Then, something happened. I still don't know what. Meet up at a party or something orchestrated by Bff and it rekindled. It showed in my W's demeanor and interactions with me before i actually suspected and found out what was going on. (Icidentally, bff, who my own friend finally came around about--his STBXW-- is a bigger piece of work than even imagined...and he and i swapped horror stories about her earlier today, she is, undoubtedly, along with the ever-pursuing OM, the biggest outside obstacle to my W's shaking the WW mindset/lifestyle.) Sometime after that, my W started feeling "in love" with him. It went from (overheard convos) like "Well, i DO kind of like you" and "even if we ever did get together, it couldn't be for a very very long time from now" to
(tearfully/frantically) "I just want to jump on you and run away with you... I can't come in there (the bar) because i know if i do I wont be able to leave". Also from mild sexual and flirty innuendos just before BD to graphic XXX-rated discussions of what they wanted to do to each other. Quite simply, i let it go on too long and she got too attached.

But even if she wasn't in touch with original OM, I think she is open to a new OM, even someone she has not met yet..

Not so sure... See above. I think she thinks that this OM is "the one" or her "one true chance at happiness" which would be consistent with some things she said in early sessions.. "I finally did this ONE thing for me that would make ME happy, and it's a "bad thing"..."




One more thing and then im out for the night. (Typing these between stints upstairs-- W is asleep after we went out to dinner, she hardly slept at all last night, and not much this week... another hallmark of those periods when she is deeply involved with OM)

AAR, just a little snippet, maybe something, prolly nothing, but it was so out of left field and so unexpected that it really threw me a curve and surprised me. On the way home from dinner (We did have a really nice day to day, or at least i acted along like we did-- shooting range was a big success, something new and kind of edgy she clearly liked-- and dinner at one of the little local cafes we've come to like over the past months)... anyway, onthe way home from dinner, there is a lull in the conversation. I look over and she looks like she has gone to sleep, eyes closed. Then, a couple seconds and she says, kind of softly, without opening her eyes, "Whatcha thinkin'?" This is something that we used to say to each other often when we were in our head over heels phase early in our relationship just to hear the other's voice and get the convo going again when it died out. Even later in our relationship we would say it every so often, sort of a "pet phrase", but neither of us had said it to the other in, idunno, several years. It really transported me back in time for an instant.

I really think artista and others are right-- she wants both relationships. The comfort and familiarity of the MR, and the "excitement" of the A. I think some of the aspects of the new me have surprised her and gotten her interest, like today when we went shooting, but not enough to draw her away from the OM and the A. She is still wayward and rebellious, i think. (Even MC who tends to be fairly positive and hopeful has noted the rebelliousness inherent in her).

anyway, i will know more by monday. I have ways to surveillance her, and if she is back to her old pattern she wont be able to go two days without contacting OM (or him contacting her, that frigging bastard... how i would love to mash my fist into his 60-year old-looking nose.) I will likely try to find some way to monitor her when she "goes to the gym" tomorrow.