Get use to being the bad guy. Every WW makes the H the bad guy. That's how she justifies breaking up her marriage. You know the truth, and others will believe whatever. It doesn't mean you have to prove to everyone she is wrong.
One of the things I've noticed about H's who have the NGS, is that in his need to control things, he will often want someone else to do the hard work. He may tell his W's parents or her closest friends, in hopes they will talk sense into her and get her to stay. I have even seen some H's inform the OM's W about the A, in hopes that she will have the guts to do what he doesn't. If he can't accomplish something by discussing it......then he wants someone else to use tougher love, while he can sit quietly by......being the nice guy.
Quote:
On the opposite view, I wonder if the time she is how many improvements she's seen.
Look, you should not try to get "good enough" for her. That is not the point of improving yourself. Besides, when you point out to her how you've been working on yourself.......it reinforces her false reasoning for leaving you in the first place. If anyone should work to get "good enough" for their spouse, it should be the wayward W! Don't you see, by telling her how you are trying to change.....it makes her feel entitled to treat you badly. She sees it as your admission. I realize that is hard to logically understand about someone you love. She has a different mindset now. This is not the girl you married. And, you sure don't want to give her the idea you are trying to win her back......and especially not trying to get good enough that she'll take you back. That is not the correct approach. You improve yourself, b/c you want to become a better man.......for yourself. If she gets smart, she'll stay and reap the benefits of you being a stronger male in the MR. Currently, she is not using any wisdom. Okay, so stop playing up to her, and get busy learning what you need to do.
Not to discourage you, but to show you what I mean........many H's before you, have tried to fix his W's old complaints. Then, he would be so pleased at all his hard work, only to hear her say that it didn't change her feelings. He may have removed some excuses she'd used against him....(legit or not), but it didn't make her feel anymore attracted to him as a man. I mean, you could treat her like a queen, but it would not effect her attraction for you as a man/husband. Do you follow what I'm saying?
Sometimes it's not as much in how good you treat her....but in how you allow her to treat you so badly. If she can show disrespect for H, without facing any consequences......I promise you, it kills her attraction. Sitting her down and explaining how it hurts you when she shows disrespects......was, maybe, good for the first offense. After that, no more talks will accomplish better behavior, or get her respect. She has to see what the man is going to do about it.
Every woman will eventually test her H in some way. It's usually when she's feeling resentful and she'll make some snide remark, some facial or body language that expresses how put out she feels with him. If he lets it go, then she'll not think of what a great guy she has.......but she'll think he's not much of a man to let her away with it, and next time she'll say or do a little more that shows she's losing respect for him. By the time she's in an A, she's been disrespecting him in little ways for a long time. Maybe he wouldn't admit it to himself, or he thought he was taking the higher ground to be the bigger person......but nevertheless, she lost respect every time she belittled him, made fun at his expense, showed anger at him in front of the kids, etc, etc.
Anyway, let me make something clear. The WW does not leave the M as some type of warning bell that her H had better shape up or lose her. He has already lost her! She's done with him. If he finds his manhood, there's a chance they could get together. But he if he wants her heart......then, he cannot act like her little dog who is learning tricks to please her, but rather, he becomes a man who doesn't take her sh't treatment......nor the load of cr@p she tries to feed him.
Don't get me wrong. Women want to be respected and loved. They want a good man. But a man with NGS is confused about how he shows his love. Please study the NGS and note the thought areas you need to change. Until you focus on that part, all this other stuff is useless in saving your MR. The first thing most nice guy H's want to do whenever they learn the WW is in an A, is to prove how much he loves her. No, that's not the time to prove his love.......and besides, she doesn't want it. So, he's just setting himself up for failure. I'm not saying he has to stop loving her. He can love her from a distance. When his W is wayward, he has to apply a tougher side of love. At least, it's tough for the nice guy. Don't let her think you are trying to win her back.
I think I know what you mean about the anger and aggression, when you try to stand up and face her like a man. You have trouble venting the built up anger, and you try to work up the courage or know-how to approach her in a manly way. Trying to bluff self confidence can come across as angry aggression, and the entire experience feels unnatural. You will probably have to start small and work up toward the larger issues.
I encourage you to work on self confidence. Read self help material. Practice on small, less personal, or not as emotional issues. You have to believe in yourself as a man.
I hope you will read about how to have/show male dominance in a MR, b/c this is very important for a man with NGS to grasp. Women are naturally attracted to a man she feels is sexually dominant. However, if you don't fully understand what that means.......then you'll just look like a jerk.
Currently, she doesn't want you, except maybe, as a friend. It will not draw her attraction, b/c she'll see you like her gay friend.......and the relationship with her will never get beyond that point. You can't nice her back, and unfortunately, I don't know if you are convinced of it, yet.
So anyway......keep reading and learning. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That is not the correct approach. You improve yourself, b/c you want to become a better man.......for yourself. If she gets smart, she'll stay and reap the benefits of you being a stronger male in the MR. Currently, she is not using any wisdom. Okay, so stop playing up to her, and get busy learning what you need to do. 
