Yes! This was over 18 years ago and I am now married with 3 kids. My H and my M are not perfect, not at all. Of course it's not or I wouldn't be here, right :-)
My codependent relationship was my first long term BF that I met in HS. I tried to leave him so many times, but I kept taking him back. I knew in my gut something was wrong, but it was so hard to leave. I felt like I needed him to be okay. I was afraid to be alone. When I did leave, I didn't do the work of healing myself, so I didn't gain the confidence I needed so I would take him back again. I did this exhausting back and forth dance for 6 years.
It damages your spirt and shatters your confidence. I finally left him after we had a baby. She was still very little, only one year old. And I never looked back. Something clicked after having this beautiful little girl that I had to get out. Because it wasn't about just me anymore, but it was about HER. She deserved more from me. I knew I needed to show her through my actions what a healthy relationship looked like.
So I left and I never looked back. It was difficult to leave and especially because we still had to see each other and exchange time with her. He was very angry and his behavior escalated. This also helped me to see that my relationship with him had been more an addiction to the drama and codependency than about real love.
I believe real love is not only a feeling or a need for another person. Love is an action and a choice. It is choosing to love someone for who they are and knowing that they love you for who you are. It is the freedom to be yourself and know that you will both make mistakes but the love will not be withheld. It is safe and there is no fear of hurting each other's asking too much.
I have that now. I can be myself with my H. I think when we have the freedom to be ourselves and when we create healthy and loving relationships around us, we realize we don't need anyone else to be okay. We are okay just the way we are.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela