Thank you for stopping by, friend. It is interesting how things change, and even when it feels that things might never change they always do, eventually. When I started reading here 3.5 - 4 years ago, my life was upside down. I found these forums post-BD when H had left me for OW, my father had recently passed, and my oldest D was spiraling out of control during her teen years. I was sickly underweight, chronically anxious/depressed, and everything felt hopeless. I memorized the rules, but couldn't follow. I would read your posts about reconciliation, relationships, and the advice you offered others. I loved your smart and lengthy posts, and would even search for them just to read your words. You, Sandi, Starsky, Wonka, and others.
And now you are entering a new chapter, and one that I believe will be full of joy and more genuine relationships. Through your battles, and with those battle scars, you inevitably gain more resilience. You also gain a keen and refined BS detector and so you will waste less time on people that are not worthy of your attention. I truly believe this!
And somehow I am still M, and perhaps even in a better M than previously, but with the same man? Who could have predicted we would be here back then? I don't think you could have convinced me of that. So onward we both march into new and uncharted territory. The difference, that you are now D and I am still M, is of less relevance than what it is we have learned along the way. I think we have both learned a lot. We have learned about love, looking inwards, hard work, and self improvement, because we were willing. Fortunately my H was willing to do that too, because had he not, this M would not be working for me.
I know this all sounds so cliche, but in every storm that we weather and survive, we come out a little bit stronger. For that I like who I am today so much more than who I was before BD. I actually like my H more too. I am not smitten, nor disillusioned to his flaws, but I like who he is more. He has changed too. He did the hard work along side of us. Newcomer friends, you deserve (and should only want) your S back if they also do this. This is a MUST.
What hasn't changed in my M is that we both are still choosing to love each other. As Cadet keeps telling us "love is a choice." It's that simple. The bigger difference now is that if he no longer chooses me, I know I will be just fine. Actually, I'll be better; I will be better off because I believe that after I weather another storm, I'll be yet again even stronger than before!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
