I think you guys just go around in circles too much, without getting anything solved. Maybe approach the subject simpler, and more succinctly. What you said to us, which I will quote, could have been said to her:
"The whole concept just seems so simple to me: Continue to see your friends (even the doc), just do it in a less threatening/dangerous way. Don't stay after three hours when you say you're just "Staying for A glass of wine" and then lose track of time (Last night she sais "it WASNT three hours..." (in fact it was almost three hours and fifteen minutes.) Go out to a public place or, better yet, politely decline when it is going to be fewer than four people total"
Simple and direct. NO mistakes made on how you feel about this, and what your boundaries are.
