New LBW, H maybe in MLC and now with OW - part 2

[meg24]

I know it's tough, and I am always so pleased to read on a posters thread that anger is present. It is a gift, it marks a new stage in the Kubler Ross cycle. Use it, that white anger can drive you on, give you motivation, create real shift. Shift not change, change can change back. Shift is forever.

The aspect of anger to lose is red or green or blue. They represent red rage (with fear), green vengence (with disgust) and blue loathing (with sadness). Anger which is pure is justified and motivating. Diamond bright.

Before I even read the description of the red, green or blue anger, I knew white is where I'm at. I am not angry with H in a red, green or blue way. That is not constructive, and will tear me apart. I have too much else to focus on to let that anger in.

Next secrets. I know that you feel that silence is best, but for many reasons it isn't. Please continue to be upfront with your children about your WH A. They already know it's important and trust they know already. Speculation is worse, and silence undermines your credibility. Your children don't need to know details but they can be told.

I will not tell the kids outright about about H's A. If they ask, I will not keep it from them. As far as everything else, I don't say anything bad about H. The boys make comments about his personality and behavior (s19 and s17 have had strained relationships with H for a while before BD), and are actually more relaxed, open and social with H no longer in the home.

H is coming for dinner Friday to see the kids, at least that's the reasoning he tells me. At that point it will have been a week since any of us have seen him. H wants our friendship back, he has told me he wants his best friend back, I'll always be his best friend. Frankly, I'm not in a spot to with friends with him. And, if we do end up in D, I don't know if I want to be best friends with someone that has deeply, deeply betrayed me, manipulated me, and hurt me. I don't think he gets that. But at this point, I don't care.

Focus on me, being good for me and my kids.