I appreciate your encouraging words kitcat. I myself am a child of divorce, my parents divorced when I was just a year old, my older brother and I were raised by our dad. To this day, I have NEVER heard my dad say a single negative word about my mom, even though she was the WAW, without looking back. Dad even offered to R with mom when she was pregnant with baby #3 for OM, and was having problems with said OM. Dad said he would raise baby #3 as his own. So I do have a very good example of how parents should behave for the sake of the children.
It's just hard since I hit the anger stage. I am very upfront with my children, but they don't know the specifics of everything, and I will NOT be the one to tell them about H's A with OW. I'm sure they'll figure it out on their own soon enough. I will be there to listen, as needed. I did tell each one of them that they have to have their own relationship with their Dad, I will no longer be the "middle man" that mom usually is (i.e., telling dad, swearing him to secrecy, about whatever any of the kids have told me in confidence). I have also told all of them that if they are ever angry or upset with me or their father, for whatever reason, they should tell whichever of us, as needed. I fully admit to them my failings. I don't want them to ever be angry that I hid something from them.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18