I've never understood why people who have been subjected to horrible mental abuse use that line to defend their abuser. Just because he hasn't laid a hand on you does not mean he doesn't "beat" you.
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If I am vulnerable he lashes out. It enrages him. He screams at me I can’t be there for you. He will start to belittle the relationship - you are never satisfied, I am giving all of the time, the more I give the more you need. Then it turns to me - you are pathetic, you could never make it without me. On it goes, anger, contempt vitriol. I will try to reason with him. I might say: “that’s not true, you have been there for me many times, I just need a little affection right now. I know you care about me, I am sorry but I am hurting and I just need some comfort.
Reasoning enrages him further. Then he will tell me he can’t be with me, that he never wants to speak to me again. That it is over. He will scream until he loses his voice.
That is some ugly, nasty abuse. Maybe you're too close to the situation to realize it, but that is wrong and you do not deserve that kind of treatment.
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Sometimes if he really completely loses it he becomes calm, and loving. He curls up in my arms and falls asleep. Mostly he just stays angry, seething under the surface, for days and sometimes a week or more.
He has some serious issues and needs help. Unfortunately you can't tell him that because he'll just explode all over again. You really need out of that situation. Are you seeing a counselor?
