Gordie #18: still not divorced

[Gordie]

Cali,

Thank you so much. My ghost of Christmas future! Dude, I swear you have a crystal ball.

I haven’t read that before. That both re write history at b d. And I think that’s true. Like you, I was neither happy nor unhappy. TBH, this feeling of just going through the motions was a cause in my de-emphasis on her and the M. I had my own resentments.

I feel like my w has always judged me and somehow I was never good enough for her. She was always comparing me unfavorably to her father and other men.

She would never say she was sorry. If we got into a fight, she’d go cold and give me the silent treatment until I broke the ice. Somehow, the only way to do that was to say I was sorry...no matter who did what to whom. And often times the fights were over little things and I felt like I never knew what we were really fighting about.

She withheld sex from me. This built up resentment on both sides. Neither was happy.

She was a spender and I was a saver. If I made $50k, she wanted more. If I made $100k, she wanted more. If I made $200k, she wanted more. No matter how much I made, it was never enough. She felt I was stingy and I felt like she was reckless.

She is full of gratitude towards friends and strangers. But to me at home? There was no gratitude. She resented being a SAHM and giving up her career and being financially dependent on me. She felt trapped and we both felt we took each other for granted.

More digging...