Still treading water

[Gordie]

S,

I get it. She doesn’t want to leave. You don’t want to leave. You are in a stalemate. Neither married nor divorced. So I’m going to pass on the sage advice given to me and I’m no expert and am still figuring it out:

1. Take all focus off of her. Focus on yourself and your kid. How? If you don’t want to move out (I understand), you may want to take a month and spend almost no time with her. This is not punishment. This is to refocus on you and you can’t do that when you are constantly watching and reacting to her. Schedule your days and get busy. Busy at work, with activities and when you are at home, make sure you are busy there too. No just hanging out at home. If you are with your kid, do things outside the house. You will be too busy enjoying life to worry about her comings and goings or where she is or with whom. In your month of re focus, include an overnight trip by yourself. If you don’t have money, just sleep on a friend’s couch. Go to your fight class every day! You will enjoy your time there, make new friends, and get into the best shape of your life (and yes, the ladies will notice). But new clothes to show off your new physique.

2. And when you do bump into her? You can be friendly, but you are focused on you right now. Don’t ask her about her life. Don’t ask her about her day. Don’t ask her what she’s been doing or how she’s been feeling or worst of all, your relationship. You are taking all the pressure off of her. You are letting her go. You can’t control her. And if she decides to go sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry? That’s up to her and then you can decide what you want to do. You feel like you are weak and powerless, but you do have power over you and what you want to do with your life. She doesn’t control that.

3. But here’s what may happen. She may get curious about who is this ripped stud who has a great life and no interest in me? She may start following you around or texting in the middle of the day. Why are you ignoring me? Say, I’m just focused on me right now. I realized I needed to work on myself. I’m learning new things about me. I’m enjoying life.