Husband gone for second time - 3

[25yearsmlc]

Aside from the fact that I care very much for the man I'm dating, ("M") I have kept the R with him very private.

For one thing, M has an ex wife, and it would probably hurt her to know he's dating even though their marriage ended. And even though she's the rejecting party. I'm not the type to ignore how she'd feel.
I'm not interested in bragging to the world. Makes me feel that those who advertise their r's are doing so for insecure reasons. You know what I mean? Happy people are too busy BEING happy, to shove their r's in other people's faces.

I hear a LOT of men in divorce care say their wives' "won't remarry or even date" and I am amazed they feel that way. As if they cannot imagine another man being interested in their wives.

(It's really pretty annoying actually).

I will be careful to learn all I can from this ordeal. I will never be this hurt again so in a way, I am willing to take MORE risks, but not stupid ones.

make sense?

The good news is that I know I'm capable of attracting and being attracted to another man, and being well treated and seeing that a man is very attracted to me, is damn nice. You will find this to be true, as well.

I don't feel as if I will be alone if I don't want to be. Nor will you.

But this is the first time in my adult life I've been on my own and I like it a lot . I waited a year before dating. And I'm okay not being married.

You have a Daughter at home. When I had kids at home, I talked to a family psychologist about when to introduce a man to the kids.

His advice was that If you have kids at home, only introduce your D to a man when you feel somewhat sure you want that man in your life "for real." Maybe be 3/4 sure that he's the one...FWIW.

I knew a widower with 4 kids, who met a woman for coffee and then dinner. Then they decided to take dance lessons every Saturday night and would assess how they wanted to proceed, after the lessons. They hoped to see how they'd learn together and if there was chemistry, etc.

THEN they met each other's kids and married maybe a year later. He faced another tragedy when his 3rd child died and I'm glad to say that his wife#2 stood by him, LOVED his kids the way his late wife would have (She was my friend) and it was like a divine intervention for him and for his kids.

It happens. He was careful, I'll be careful, and you will be too.

The odds are against your h and his "schmoopie" lasting, and even if they do, he'll always resent her for the loss of his daughter "look what I gave up for YOU" and garbage like that. And she can be with a man who she sees ignores his first wife and child. That has to give you pause.

If they each lack empathy, then he's found someone of his caliber. That's karma.

You asked - yes Financially, I will have "enough". It's not "fair", it's not what I should have gotten. But I have financial security, if that is your question.

I have income for life, and soon it'll be sent directly to me and NOT from h, who sends me random amounts and always late. When I'm a little older, I'll have a nest egg. X will have a lot more MONEY, but he's lost the 4 people who loved him the most. And if he emerges from this unscathed, and isn't haunted, then he really does lack the empathy gene.

And that's a soul sucking way for me to live. Now, I don't have to.

In the interim, xh really messed me up. By taking ALL the marital money, I had to borrow for legal fees and that was NOT easy to do. Thankfully, I'm from a huge family and they lent me A LOT of money to fight.

If not for them, I'd be up a creek. Seriously. I want you to realize how lucky I am.

That is how some people get screwed in these situations, as it's like a war of attrition. X has more resources so he could try to say "oh, I forgot to pay 25 what I agreed...and So what??"

And my family would rally and the other lawyers in my family would jump in and PUNISH x in a way h h would not want. (But it's a lot to ask of them. I'd only do that in a "grand finale emergency.") I'm SO grateful for my family.

I was very sick when he decided to leave and I was impaired. My son drove up and was shocked and he probably will not ever see h in the same light. My sisters flew out to pack me, my BIL flew out to drive me and my dog, in a moving van, across the country.

So when I say that I'm not sure how I'd have managed to do what I needed to do while I was so confused and unable to concentrate (I had a neurological event out of nowhere and X was just AWOL and nasty and it was stunning to me that he'd be so out of line mean. It was embarrassing, and my family was appalled. X can tell others whatever he tells them but I'll always know - and at some level he does too - he really disappointed our family and that was the foggiest time of my life AND YET I saw him so clearly then.

A switch was flipped.



It's a lot for x to over come and if he thinks he can just treat me badly and then pretend that's all separate from his r's with the kids, is insane.

I am very uncomfortable with you waiting to see what your H does, as if you filing for D is somehow going to hurt your chances of a recon.

I think you are still afraid of "making him mad." I mean, could he treat you much worse?

Thing is, he IS mad at you now. And he WILL be mad the second you ask for anything of him. He is already mad at you for being...you... Leaving a door open!!...I mean, step back to see how out of control he is NOW. Your h is biding his time. He may even get a default judgement against you when you move out of state, or say you abducted the daughter or abandoned him.

Please protect yourself BEFORE you leave the area.

Soon, my x will be a dot on the horizon in my rear view mirror, and someday, someday,

he will hold the place of irrelevance he so richly deserves.

And I will be just fine.