Husband gone for second time - 3

[25yearsmlc]

He's American and politically conservative. "Traditional values". But he did become atheist about 6 years ago, and that seemed to give him permission to just pursue what he wanted, regardless of the costs to others.

In reality, historically xh had minimized the costs to others anyhow, like when we'd move he never admitted that the kids were going thru a lot. He'd give them a shallow PEP TALK!!! and then move on to another topic. So I'm not sure if he became atheist to justify bad choices or he made bad choices because he is atheist. Not sure it matters at all.

Have I moved on? Good question. I think that where the head goes, the heart will follow. So I work hard to get my heart to let what I know in my head, SINK IN. And I've zoomed ahead lately. That's the one upside to x's hideous behavior, I'm NOT confused by his present behavior. He's gone off the reservation and I'm not waiting around to see if he wants back in. IF he ever does, it would be years from now and by then, I will be in a totally different BETTER life. Heck, I already am.

I swear to you, I know ^^^this. I do hope we can be cordial for the kids sake.

Yes I am dating. I waited a year to date, but have been asked out several times.

I am dating a very kind, very smart guy, who makes an EFFORT in the R. (That's novel!)

He really put in tie to plan Valentines, which touched me deeply. He calls me often, makes it obvious that I am a priority in his life. It's kind of amazing.


But I'm not at all sure he's "the one". Statistically speaking, he probably isn't. We are by definition "rebounds" for each other.

But he's been such a comfort to me at this time in my life AND I am a comfort to him, and he's having a rough time in his life due to having both parents dying last year, his brother was paralyzed in an accident, etc.


I'm loathe to commit to anyone at this point, and my T made me SWEAR not to marry the first guy I dated. Even IF I thought the first guy was "the right one"<- she said I should still date around and then circle back.

She made full eye contact and made me swear I would "Not marry the first guy". It was a little heavy handed but I literally did swear. And I still remember how serious and "knowing" she was when she said this.

Whereas x will marry his OW, b/c he's a prideful fool, I am not competing with that. I understand the urge to feel as if not having another person makes you feel "he's winning."

But the "equation" is not "x versus me". It is about what I'm learning from this ordeal and how I'm GAL. Living well and discovering happiness on my own, and crowding out x and memories and painful triggers,
with my new joyful activities that require attention and focus, with new people and old friends and loved ones, is mandatory. Even with a child. You are modeling for her, how to heal from a broken heart. She will have one, someday. Show her how it's done. Be a woman of strength and dignity who recovers from adversity in a way that shows grace and fierce integrity.