Just an update mostly on myself... I think the reason most of us come here is to get support and also confirm that we are not the crazy ones. After living this for nearly 3 years, I can clearly say that I am not crazy.
It’s been a long journey but I can’t complain, I have my own house, both my girls full time and my career is taking off. I met someone and we are growing closer and closer. I do wish my girls had their mom in their lives for the support they need. My XW sadly is not in the right state of mind still and is unable to be a mom. In her own words, “I’ve lost my motherly instinct”.
2018 contact has been far from none. A New Year’s Eve wish to me to find happiness and love and just recently a few messages back and forth about little or nothing. I’ll explain that a little lower down. I’ve been away from the site and avoided talking about MLC altogether. I even refrained from helping my buddy whose wife flies off to see her soul mate every now and then. 4861km away but she refuses to accept his divorce request. Keeps playing my buddy for a fool and a door mat. I pray for him.
I have been reflecting on my situation. A little more on my XW and accepting that this is it. My life I had with her was all I was supposed to have with her. My kids were always closer to me since the day they were born as if the universe made it that way. Our destiny was written before we even met. I accept that there was nothing I could have done or anything I did was wrong. She was programmed as a child. I just didn’t see the red flags along the way. I see them so clearly now. I even laugh at it that I was so blinded by love that I failed to see the signs. Like I said, it wouldn’t of change a darn thing if I did. My kids however have a chance. They have had therapy and are aware of MLC and mental illness. How past issues in life that are not dealt with, will come back to haunt you. Yes they suffered a great loss but unlike my XW they dealt with it, understand that it is not their fault and have healed. They understand it and grew from it. So that brings me to today’s touch.
It was I who reached out. I got a call from the hospital for D15. You see when D15 was 14, she suffered headaches, dizzy spells and black outs. I had her looked at by a few specialist and in the MRI scan they found a cyst in the front right side of her brain. I did update XW back then which went un-phased. Results from that were unsure as the more the doctors talked to D15 they also picked up on a lot of anxiety and built up stress. Following that, she had therapy, changed her diet and reduced activities. It all seemed to settle the symptoms. However the cyst remains and I got the call for a follow up scan. So I did this. Hi, just to update you as promised, D15 goes for her scan tomorrow to see if there is any changes to the cyst in her brain. I will let you know the results once I get them. 30 seconds goes by.
Response: Hi Irish!! Thank you so much for updating me on this!! I will be thinking of her.
I also found a bag of old movie reels, belonging to your father. Do you want them?
YES!! How will we do this? I still have no grave stone on my father’s grave it cost so much money!!
I will send them to your work address via UPS, I hope your sister is helping you with that cost. Me and the girls will visit the site this spring as we haven’t paid our respects yet.
Ok!! Do you have the address?
I will get it off line. Easy to find. Thanks
I know... Not much there. But for me it was a lot. The way I felt about informing her. I felt great. She is the mother of my girls and deserves to know. Her dad’s films should be in her possession not mine. I have no hatred towards her and I have said it many times that if she asked for help to connect with the girls I will be front and center. I’m not talking reconciliation with her at all. I will continue to be the best dad I can. And if helping my girls connect with their mom one day, I am all for it, as long as she is healthy.
Until then, I will continue to update her on everything that is more important than traditional things. What she does with it after is her own. If one day she thanks me then I would be grateful to hear it. What I’m saying is why I should wait for her to wake up. It’s like we are both playing a game of who messages first to break the silence. I’m tired of the silence. I let go of it. I was feeling like forced by my internal mind not to reach out to her. Freeing that control over me makes me feel freer. Inner peace is worth so much.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
