Gordie, it is so good to hear from you. Just seeing that you replied lifted my spirits a little. I need to get better at offering advice to others instead of just reading through everyone's posts.
You summed it up pretty well. She says she is working on being better, but she does not seem to want to be married. Truth is, I'm not OK with it. I am not going to be pushed out due to her unhappiness, but she doesn't want to leave the house and kids...so I think out of obligation she tries to "work" on things. Her line of thinking does not lead her to actually work on the marriage, I think she is just trying not to make things worse...and for her that is working on things.
I don't think I really know what my boundaries are until she crosses them. Then it tuns in to an argument where I tell her where I stand. She seems receptive to it to a degree. When she went out all day without telling me and I then got in to it with her about it, over the following days she started telling me when she was going somewhere and asking if it was ok when she wanted to go out with a friend on an off night.
Days like today are hard because although I know that she isn't better and probably a long way off from it, I do see her trying to take me in to consideration, she just isn't very good at it right now. But in that sense, being friendly with eachother is an ok place to be while she struggles to figure herself out. Then today I find out that she still doesn't trust ME. I guess her trust in me doesn't make much of a difference at this point, but its like a slap in the face. I'm not the one who deserves mistrust...but I guess I don't deserve any of it so maybe a moot point.
I'll get through today just like I get through every day...but I'm still struggling to find purchase in this thing. The good ting is that throughout the previous year, there have been MANY days that I lived moment to moment trying to make it through. Now, I have bad days, but I am finding a bit of happiness here and there. Thank you for helping me get there...
