So many have said that at BD both partners were likely unhappy. It’s taken 18 months but I am realizing some of the ways I was unhappy too. More when I have time.
Gordie
It is not uncommon for both sides to re-write the history of the marriage, at BD they are scrambling to justify their actions which puts the LBS into scrambling trying to talk them out of it painting the picture of family and how happy they are while the other paints as miserable a picture as they can ... truth is both are on opposite ends of the extreme to promote their own agenda.
Took me a long time to realize I was in denial about the state of my marriage .. I was neither happy nor unhappy .. just 'there' going through the motions and doing what I thought I was to do to 'make' her happy .... foolish and something I now recognize more out of co-dependent rather than 'love' tbh, it was not love when she was in full replay/monster mode.
So we pull back and reflect ... we actually start putting ourselves first and place those boundaries as we do the mirror work. Your W may be processing alot and looking at herself in a different light, allow her to do this and keep doing your own mirror work and ask yourself what a happy marriage looks like to you... in time you can start working towards this but for now remember she most likely can only work on herself before she can really roll her sleeves up and work on the marriage.
