I'm going to tell you a little about my R with my exH and it may or may not resonate with you. My ex was mean, never really kind and very difficult. But I glossed over it and somehow managed to convince myself he was great. During our M, I graduated nursing school, he changed careers, ect. We decided to try to have a child and we found out had a major fertility issue which required surgery for him, and IVF for me. It worked, but my pregnancy was high risk due the STD he had given me back when we first began dating. I worked night shift in the ICU. I had hoped he would finally become the supportive husband I needed and I didn't have to carry the marriage alone anymore. Well, I was wrong. Everything was still about him. I went from being a great obiedient wife to becoming defensive. I was warding off the attacks before they even came. I knew what to expect, my eyes were open to it, and I shut him down before he could attack. That's when he found someone else. Yeah, I own my part for becoming defensive. But I do not own him straying. He ran when the going got tough and things weren't exactly as he wanted it anymore. He now has a wife (his affair partner) he is going on 7 years with and she is as abusive to her as he is to me and disrspects out D10 too. His OWW takes it. I know all of this as fact from my D. I wouldn't want to trade places with her in a million years.

This may or may not be true to your sitch. But was your H really this kind, gentle human being and one day a switch flipped? Or did you manage to talk yourself into a little, like I did?

You have to stop taking responsibility for his choices. These are not your failures. Perhaps you have mistakes in communication as a couple, but you do not own these "failures"

And thank you. Being a nurse is a demanding job, emotionally and physicaly. But guess what. Going to work was my getaway sometimes! I was both a SAHM and a full-time worker in a sense. I worked nights, and raised our D alone during the day. 2 days a week I had daycare so I could sleep after a shift. I admit, going to work was a vacation sometimes. So, please give yourself credit, because single mommin' full time, is freaking HARD! What you do is nothing short of amazing. You H does not respect that. I could guarantee going to work is much more appealing to him then raising his child for more than a few hours a week.