Like yours, my divorce was a California divorce but xh moved to Alaska, making things REALLY crappy for me. And I may not have had the best lawyers. They were not failures but they were very pricey for mediocre results in a prolonged 16 month divorce in a no fault state. Even now I have not been paid and I accepted the offer h made. Please see a lawyer asap and then get a plan - EVEN IF you want to stay married. Knowledge is power.
Meet and talk with a L and you do not need to retain a lawyer but you do need info. Especially with a special needs son.
BTW, the past 17 months have presented me with a series of disturbing discoveries about my x. I feel as if my x had been leading a double life. It's pretty dizzying to keep learning how OFF my beliefs were and how many lies I had believed.
Many puzzle pieces make more sense now. In your case, there is a part of you that sees your h's historic self indulgence and in my case, a lot of what my T has helped me see, is how much my needs were shelved and I felt I could take it, I could fill my love tanks "later",
but there was no "later". I was never to get "my turn", in my m. I thought we were past his irrational Alaskan obsession and I felt that he'd reward my loyalty and devotion and endless forgiving, but I was wrong.
I became the touchstone for him to do whatever he wanted, and know the home fires would still burn and the kids would be okay.
He cut off our d20 from college though he's a physician and I was not working. He felt that me getting 1/9 of his income was perfectly fair.
And he's never once asked any of the kids or her, how she's paying for school. OR IF she is in college anymore. My T says "he Figures 25 will take care of it, (and if not, it's NOT his fault, OR maybe he'd say so what if d20 dropped out"??)
He's gone off the reservation. I simply WILL NEVER understand his choices and you know what? I don't want to understand his choices! He is capable of cruel behavior and insane dishonesty. Like he's entitled to be believed in lying even when I have proof it's a lie.
It's crazy making! And it is depressing to believe I've wasted years on him and our m. But I worked hard to maintain the illusion that he was as invested in our m and family as I was.
Now, I get to use that energy on MY life and my kids. No more pretzeling myself to meet his ever changing needs, expressed and unexpressed.
The lying made My head was spin the first months of this (and it's round 2 for me).
And it's also over for me now. I'm done, No thanks.
Will it hurt to know if he remarries as soon as he can? Oh Sure. But that is my ego talking, not a desire for him to return.
it's not that he's changed from when we first married, (though that is true.) It's that I see him in a different light now.
And it's not a good light. OW can have him and he can have her. He's chosen someone of his caliber now. That is karma, along with losing the respect of his longest friends and our children and me, and I loved that man deeply.
I say all this^^^ to remind you that waiting to see if your h will send you money is not really a plan, in my opinion. It's like staying in a m based on their potential as a spouse, not the reality.
Your H will spend money on OW and she will want more of it. That happens all the time.
And he will justify that b/c - because- remember, he has already justified what he has justified.
Since depression was an issue for you in the past, and feeds his narrative that you "cannot be happy" or whatever he tells himself, GAL is all the more important for you.
You are doing 180s and you are also helping YOUR life improve. To me GAL is a no brainer.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/19/1802:19 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
