My New Scenario

[Newly20]

Another thing i may add, she was always one to celebrate Valentine's Day or our anniversary and this year NADA! On valentines she woke up to flowers from my part, she gave me a pair of boots, no surprise or wrapping or any card of some sort. Few days later on the 20th for our anniversary i had a bouquet delivered to her office. I got a last minute purchase of some chocolate covered strawberries. All these are nice to an extent from her, but they were not her norm. After the BD on one of our talks she told me she despised the flower delivery, she had so much anger that she had been trying for so long and that i up until recently started corresponding her the way she needed. Said she cried and cried when she received them.

What do you guys make of this??

[Gordie]

She was trying for a long time.

Finally she drops the bomb and you started changing.

It’s too little, too late in her mind and extremely frustrating.

MWD has written and recorded videos on this. Very common.

[Newly20]

Yes and I agree with her being fed up and not believing my ability to fully change despite the major improvements. I’m anxious to read DR and take the tips and apply them.

Thanks Gordie.

How can I go about discarding the possibility of OM?

[meg24]

Sorry for your sitch. Some of it seems similar to mine. You'll get a lot of good advice on here. Yes, you will also stumble, backslide. Just pick yourself up and keep going.

Good luck.

She was trying for a long time.

Finally she drops the bomb and you started changing.

It’s too little, too late in her mind and extremely frustrating.

MWD has written and recorded videos on this. Very common.

This is me right now, my H believe too little to late, but he is not moving forward with D either. He recently moved out, told me on Valentine's Day he would date other people to see if there was someone out there that can give him what he needs. That one still stings.

[Newly20]

In your guys opinion what category do we fall into? Am I the LBH and is she the WW despite no affair? Should I apply the principles from sandi in the newcomer lbh thread?

[SteveLW]

I'd say more like a WAW. WW has specific behaviors like OEAs, EAs, PAs, partying, staying out all night, hanging out with a younger crowd, getting involved in substance abuse, etc.

[Newly20]

Received DR today and got half-way through. Definitely feel a relief in my state of mind. Hopeful that patience will play a huge roll in this.
I need to implement the LRT technique, but we will have daily contact due to her picking up the baby after work. What should I do in this situation? A simple hi? Should I initiate some convo? What if she asks about my day?

[Newly20]

Been a few days since I posted so I’ll update.

Wife moved out on the 15th. I was home when she was taking her stuff and I did not offer to help, her brother was here also.

After she was done we have a small convo and she began to cry then asked if I could give her a hug, which I did. *maybe not the best idea*

I’ve finish reading the DR and also began reading the 5 love languages. Been trying to keep busy with reading,work, my daughter and family. I’ve got back to the point we’re i can go to work and be ok and my appetite has been doing much better.

I started a small notebook to write notes of our interactions when she comes to get our daughter after work or I drop her off. This is for me to look back and see if there is any change happening(ie. does she start convo or does she compliment me etc.) so far no interaction other than she immediately starts asking. The baby about her day.

Thanks guys n gals

[AnotherStander]

I need to implement the LRT technique, but we will have daily contact due to her picking up the baby after work. What should I do in this situation? A simple hi? Should I initiate some convo? What if she asks about my day?

You can't really "go dark" when you have kids. You're going to have to have some interactions with her. Just be pleasant and cordial, the "friendly neighbor" approach as we call it around here.

Very sorry to hear about her moving out, I know it's really tough on you right now but almost universally LBS's eventually say they were glad when their WAS moved out as it really helps them to move on with their life. It also helps them give the WAS the time and space they almost never can while under the same roof.

[Newly20]

Could you please reference the friendly neighbor approach so I can read up on it. So far I have just brought my baby out and put her and her things in the car, have not told the wife hello or anything. Should I be greeting her and asking her about her day?