While my basic profile is contained in my signature block at the bottom, my "Sitch Synopsis" I posted at the beginning of each new thread was getting kinda long and unwieldy and maybe even confusing, so ima try to "thumbnail" it here from scratch. If you want more details you'll need to do a deep dive into my earlier threads. Here goes:
SSM for approximately last 10 years up to BD. Overlay of chronic illness (mine) and special needs children. W and I never had the level of communication we should have had, particularly about problems/issues, which we tended to each internalize. Lack of intimacy particularly problematic since W's primary love language is "physical touch" and also because she was "high sex drive" though conflicted having been brought up to be "good catholic girl" and "good oldest child". Chronic illness cured about 5 years ago and kids stabilized but damage done by then-- W and I weren't even really "friends" by that point.
W fell into "WW" mindset. Getting dolled up, going out a lot, staying out late, hanging out with her bff who was also a WW. In November 2016 she started an EA with a friend of mine who knew from me confiding in him about our MR sitch and about my W's vulnerabilities. He took advantage when she sought him out for advice and support. EA until 1/23/2017 when BD. W broke it off for 3 weeks but then reconnected and A became more serious though still, I am pretty sure, never a PA. I did not know at first, just that her demeanor, which had initially softened towards me, changed again. Eventually I discovered a "cheater phone" and, after a couple of starts and stops including a final "confrontation" where W broke down and admitted to me what she had been doing and I walked away, we started the process of trying to save the MR.
Currently we are both in MC and IC, and MC seems to be a good one: goal-oriented, understands the WW mindset and my W in particular, as well as the dangers and intricacies of affairs. She is also a sex-therapist and intimacy specialist, so that's good. We recently agreed to seek IC and has been doing so, and has been increasingly receptive to and proactive about "doing the work" as time has progressed. We are probably better "Friends" now than we have ever been, as well as a better "team" at parenting. The big hurdle is restoring intimacy and touch and romance, which has been a big struggle due to the length of neglect and awkwardness, but she has steadily, with ups and downs, warmed up to me. We are "dating" more now than ever, and are planning a tropical getaway (Cancun) for her 50th, about which she is excited, but... also fearful/anxious because she is weight conscious and worries she is now "fat."
Last edited by Cadet; 03/19/1805:09 AM. Reason: edit
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
