Hi Everyone, I don't even know what kind of update to offer about my situation lately. For a few weeks, since I last posted, my husband was making a bit more effort to see our daughter. He came several times per week, still only for 15 or 20 minutes, but several times instead of one or none. Then one day he took her to a movie. It was a big shock. He's never done anything like that before. Our daughter said she had fun.
My husband hasn't done anything to file for divorce. Then one day he stopped by to see our daughter and she bumped into a door that was open. Suddenly he got mad at me and said it was my fault the door was open and I should keep it closed. I said "Ok, sorry, I'll keep it closed." His response was "You're an adult, not a five year old child." This was a really rude and abusive type of response. It's not something my normal husband would ever say. Then he came to the living room and told me not to leave my laptop on sofa because our daughter could bump into that too. He looked at me and said "I don't think we'll ever be together in the future. I just want this divorce to go smoothly."
I was really upset about that after I thought we'd made progress towards talking and acting normally together in front of our daughter. I'm moving in a few weeks so last week I asked my husband when I can come to get the rest of my stuff, and our daughter's stuff, from 'his' house. He said I'm not allowed to come. He started shouting at me that he gave me ten chances previously and I never came so now I lost my chance (which isn't true). I told him he signed and agreed in our separation agreement that I could come one last time to get my stuff. He said "fine, you can come tonight and that's your last chance." I told him our daughter would be going to bed in 30 minutes and that wouldn't make sense to keep her awake. I asked why we can't come another time? Then he said he doesn't want our daughter to see the house. He was so angry and rude and as the tears filled my eyes our poor daughter looked so sad and confused. Since that night I haven't said anything about going to the house but I know I have to bring it up again. I'm a legal owner of the house so he can't block me from getting my stuff. I have the key to the house, but unless there's no other choice I don't want to go there without him knowing because he'd find out and this would lead to a bigger fight.
Last week I needed my husband to drive me to a medical procedure in another city and watch our daughter while it was going on. I have no one else to do it and couldn't drive myself. He had already previously agreed several weeks ago to drive me. We went and we didn't really talk much except my husband drives like he's back in his home country and at one point did something crazy and I said "watch out!" He said "I don't miss that." Nevertheless, I appreciate that he drove me and watched our daughter for those two hours.
Then two days later last week my husband called to say he was going to San Francisco for a conference and he'll be back on Sunday. He didn't come to say goodbye to our daughter and then we didn't hear from him for a day or two. I had no idea if it was a real conference or a romantic getaway with his girlfriend. He did call a few times on Saturday to say hi to our daughter though, and yesterday he called to say he was at a chocolate shop buying her chocolate. He then asked how I was doing after my procedure and I said I was great. He said he's happy because he didn't think I'd go through with it. Then we talked normally for a minute or two and I said I had to go. Just for a brief minute or two things seemed normal again.
Last night I had to take my friend to the emergency room where my husband works and when I got back my husband asked how my friend was and I said she was ok. I texted my husband that I respect his career and how stressful and difficult it is. He responded and said thanks.
In three weeks my daughter and I will be over 1,000 miles away, starting our life over again. I don't know how this will affect my husband or our situation. I don't know the status of his relationship with his girlfriend. She deleted her facebook and Instagram accounts (or made them private) so I can't see what's happening there. Perhaps if they were visible and I saw pictures of San Francisco from this weekend I'd know they are still going strong, but I have no way to know. Not that it matters....but I do believe if they break up my husband may get more of a reality check.
I'm still totally lost. I have no idea what kind of job I'll find and I have no financial security. I know I have to move to move on with my life and get out of this terrible apartment we're in just ten minutes from the beautiful mansion where my husband lives. But I just don't know when my husband will pursue the divorce or what he's thinking. There's still a small part of me that wishes he'd change his mind. I still wake up in shock most mornings when I open my eyes and realize this is still happening. There are many, many moments when I just can't believe everything is gone. I'm trying to do everything I can for my daughter to give her a normal life but I'm so sad for her that she's so innocent and her father did this to her. I'm still trying to improve myself in any way possible but it's hard to be a completely different person over night.
I wish I had more knowledge of what's likely to happen once we move. I wish I could understand my husband's recent behavior, shifting between angry and rude to cordial and nice. If anyone has any thoughts I'd love to hear them. Thanks again.
