A familiar story with questions. III

[RR17]

Okay, allow me to get existential for a moment, please.

In my view that's why we say no R talks, it is because such talks are magnified in the others mind and are seen as punishing

My understanding is that the reason for not Initiating R talks is mainly for the fact that it is pursuing. It also, depending on the immediate state of the R, can become combative and can fuel the S's transgressions.
True, it could be considered punishing, but that is but one unintended effect. No?
I believe that initiating an R talk is much like a medication where the possible side effects far out way the expected benefits. Metaphorically speaking.

I think that it is possible you know this. And you might want to ask why your needs and timing supercede W rights to her privacy. Why do this just for your curiosity.

I do know that an atmosphere that feels like walking on eggshells is a toxic one. I have facilitated such a atmosphere in the past. I don't believe that is the case now.
As for a right to privacy? When you tell someone that you want them to trust you, well that's a tricky one. But in the last described conversation with my W, I explained that she had initiated a dinner plan and then pulled the plug.
I expressed a disappointing anger when her weak "I'm sorry" didn't seem genuine and in retrospect, yea I probably shouldn't have said it but I am human. I do get disappointed when my proverbial cheese gets moved.
But I don't think this is any way, by its self, creates any eggshell walking atmosphere.

But V, I get the reminder and I will be aware.

You see, damaged Hs aren't the best suited for constructive DBing. Yet we have been forced into it.
IC promotes self-care. Self-Care can look counterproductive to DB.

Again I appreciate your contributions to my sitch. I do. I know that we all contribute here with an overlying influence of our own experiences and sitch.