As far as the marriage thing is concerned, we have been together for 10 years before marrying and it was always clear to both of us that we were boyfriend/girlfriend, and that we'd stay together forever... we felt no need to marry, then when the thought came up of buying a house together, the idea came from HER to marry to make things more official and because it had some legal benefits. So generally speaking this should NOT have changed a thing within our relationship since it was just a formality basically.
Fast forward to a year ago almost now where her MLC started and where she's telling me that she feels constrained by our marriage, but really i think it was more the daily routine that she couldn't take anymore, note she has always been depressed once in a while too over the years, so that kinda feeds into it.
As for the sex thing, it's simple really, it was always an issue between us that she wanted to have more sex than i did. Her libido is just greater than mine. So a couple months ago i tried to give her that and it just didn't feel right to me. I felt like i was being used for sex since at that point she was already in full MLC mode with basically a broken empathy chip. I have realized that most of the time i DO want the love component when i am sleeping with her so that kinda traumatized me i suppose.
And yes, the idea is that we need to rebuild TRUST between us since right now there isn't much trust left on both sides. I love her and still want this to work and i have told her as much but i don't see a way if she doesn't change.
As for boundaries, it's really not that easy since the whole reason for her MLC IS the fact that she feels constrained and that i am holding her back from realizing her potential. (of course that i just a facade for deeper issues) she is projecting her issues onto me which i guess is absolutely typical for a spouse in MLC, it's textbook really.
Of course i wouldn't admit an other man in our house, but she still has the sense to not even go there.
Interesting though that you say she is ASKING For boundaries... i haven't seen it like that yet, and maybe it is time for me to make a statement now. Though i WILL wait with that until we have both signed the "post-nup" agreement so that our finances are separated nice and cleanly if things were to go south after all.
