The court date was pretty useless. The mediator made a recommendation: that we each have 50/50. But the problem is h has a more flexible schedule and so on "my day" rather than letting the kids walk home to my house where I return an hour and a half later, he picks them up and takes them to his place. The mediator explained to him that this gives him more than 50% which is not fair and the kids should be gaining a sense of independence at their age. She said my day is my day. Meanwhile h thinks I need to be a chicken sitting on my eggs.
H asked her three times why he can't continue this process. He seemed to get it. Then the next day he agreed to let them walk home to my place on my day. But then he picked them up and said they are not my days until I am with them?!? (He actually wrote that!) I have asked him to stop this. At times he agrees but then just does it all over again. I forward all the correspondence to my lawyer.
During the court date he said I was mentally unstable because I saw a therapist and once took meds. This is something he has held over me for a long time. It is quite classless of him. I told the mediator my nephew was diagnosed with an extremely rare disorder and yes, I sought the help of a therapist to help me. I said I am proud of that as it's good to seek help when you need it. And yes, I took anti-anxiety medication for a few months to carry me through it. I told her (and him) I did nothing wrong and I'm proud of seeking help.
Days later h kept texting me things like: maybe I should seek counseling for financial spending. Or maybe counseling for ethics as I told x thing to son recently. He went on and on in this "see a counselor" fashion. Bizarre. I ignored it all. So much rage texting.
If ever we are near each other he doesn't even dare look me in the eye even when I stare right at him openly. As always he is brave behind a screen.
The gist of it is he has massive control issues. He monsters a lot. Sometimes I am just sitting there at work and he just blows up my phone, rage texting me. Usually the topic du jour is: do I realize what I have done by getting a lawyer? Do I realize how much money I am wasting? How am I ever going to justify all this to the kids? What am I going to say when they ask about all this financial waste? And on and on and on ...
I ignore it. I wish there was an MLC app that could parse the message and just move it into my junk box when it's nothing about the kids.
In other news, I had a small fender bender. My car is old but very reliable. It is not worth it to repair the car. So I started looking for another. The radiator was damaged so the car is not operable. Then I remembered h has two of our cars: an old reliable wagon and his MLC car (#2). He took both.
So I texted him asking to use the wagon vs. paying for a rental. Both are joint assets and my name is on that car. He said no. He told me he likes to use the wagon to transport the dog. I told him my name is on it, I have a right to it, blah, blah, blah. I told my lawyer about it--forwarded him the text conversation where my ex tells me my dog has a right over me to my own car. Wonder how that will all pan out once someone with some fangs looks this all over. (H in all his generosity told me to take 2500 and buy myself a new car! Of course he just bought himself a very nice MLC car a year ago.)
Overall, this is a hugely undignified process. I am looking forward to being done with this chapter of my life. I swear he loves exerting control in any way he can.
Positives: when I told a coworker about my d and my car sitch, she loaned me an extra car that she has so that I could take my time car shopping. Here is this person I have know for 1 year who extended me more kindness than the father of my own kids.
Another positive: I told a friend about everything. I had held off as she was newly married and weren't so close so it was nice to keep it all separate. She invited me to stay at her house on several nights when the kids are not here. She listened to me and supported me; so kind!
There are wonderful people in this world with amazing hearts. Each person teaches me something new or supports me in some new way.
Oh, and this friend? She said she once saw my h walking around this young/party area of the city. And also? She said she and a friend saw him openly checking out women when picking the kids up from school. Classy.
As for me? I am close to buying a car (tomorrow, hopefully ... fingers crossed.). And I was given a pay raise--whoop!
I will get through this. Already I am so much stronger than I was two months ago.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
