I find myself adrift. I can't find my center, my sense of self. I've been having a really down day. I didn't take the kids to Islamic school today, I just kept breaking down in tears at random moments and didn't want to be at the mosque when this happened.

I looked at WH this evening and felt such a sense of loss and emptiness. This dark sadness permeates me today, blackening out my ability to be optimistic. Maybe this is a hormonal thing or just me realizing the new normal. I am not happy at work right now and continue to put my feelers out for a more supportive work place. My time is very constrained with a large workload and then the evening jobs of child care. GAL is difficult when you have three little ones in tow.

I wish life were different. I wish my path had not gone in this direction. I think I need to consider restarting antidepressants.

M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3