IMHO, those are questions you need to ask your lawyer.
Is your current W aware that you are talking to a lawyer about changing the custody of the older kids?
If you divorced your first W to marry the second W.......and then you change the custody agreement to favor the second W and be with her children more than the oldest ones, I think you will create a lot of resentment in your first family. Your oldest may not know the circumstances behind the D to their mother, but it will come out eventually. And, they will not only be hurt by your decision to give up your custody/visitation time......they will resent you and the younger family. I think it is a big gamble to take, especially if your current W has not said it would make a difference in her decision.
IMHO, you should be concerned about how you will visit your younger children in their state. Where will you stay if your W divorces you? At least you have a home in the state of your older children. If the D goes through, I rather doubt your W will be flying to the other state to visit the children of the first W.
You are in a mess and I don't know the best solution, b/c it looks as if one set of children are going to lose more time with their father. I hope the father doesn't lose more time with both sets of children, when all is said and done.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
