WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

Just my humble opinion. The old texts from OM..... I wouldn't mention that at all. She probably did keep them as a sentimentality at that time, but probably forgot she did and just never deleted them. And I would imagine that she would have a reaction to them being gone if she was still looking over them in a sentimental way. So I would hold off saying anything on that.

Actually WRT the old texts, I had not intended on saying anything about them. I figured it was much like you said and was not particularly worried about them. In fact o considered it a fortuitous blessing, sort of a "time to start over" thing that the phone crapped out when it did.

I was actually seeking input on the brief text exchange between her and doctor that o described. That one text from him is probably the most disturbing piece of "evidence" if you want to call it that, and the one thing that seems to clearly cross the line, so I thought it might bear mentioning/discussing with my W even if it meant some ruffled feelings for "snooping" on her phone (which phone, of course she had entrusted to me along with password snd had not deemed it necessary to delete that text string). OTOH, there is clearly enough "there" in addition to the text to justify/support a discussion about the issue, IMHO, so maybe better to just let that text string be (?)

I feel like she needs some decent girlfriends to confide in. I believe we all need one or two close confidants we can talk about the most personal stuff to, outside of our spouses, but she her choosing isn't the best.

Actually, her GFs are contributing to the problem. We all know about her bff of course, but she has several GFs at wirk, all 20 something or very early 30 domething... just all the sweetest, nicest, people, but... like the majority of that generation, particularly the 20 somethings, it seems like they talk about EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. Not much modesty or guarding of intimacy anywhere... which bis prolly one reason the D rate continues to rise and M rate to drop. At any rate, these younger women, who I have hung out with with my W on occasion and who all like me and get along with me, are the same ones hanging out with this doctor after hours and encouraging my W to do the same. Now,bin their defense, quite often there are several people, both en and women there, and never behind closed foors, but, on some occasions, it is as few as the doctor, my w, and one or two other girls, who seem to see jo problem with this.

I have, of vourse, made clear to my W that I would absolutely object to it being just her and the doctor there together.

I feel ike I should also ask her: "when you text the doc about non work related stuff, chit chat or whatever, is there any reason why you shouldn't be copying/texting Mrs. Doctor at same time?