WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

M

eaning, she had an affair, & kept at it for awhile, even after you confronted her? And you think it has probably ended for good. Correct?

The A when i discovered it was an EA, and i am pretty sure, based on what i heard at the time passing between the two, that W thought (or more likely was telling/lying to herself) that it was "just" friendship and flirting and "was not an affair." When i discovered it, she actually stepped away from it for, probably 2-3 weeks, after which she had a meet up or something involving her bff and OM and it rekindled, and from there it became more serious, not sure if it ever went physical (though i have some reason to doubt it did) and not sure it matters. I had started monitoring her and confronted her with what i had found out, i believe, without checking, in June and we had a "false start" during which contact with OM continued... which i again found out about when we had our final blow out about where i walked away and she melted down. She did not and still does not know that i knew about the A during much of the time i knew about it, though she does know that i somehow discovered eventually pretty much all that transpired. IOW, as far as she knows, i didn't find out about the rekindled and more "serious" A until, as I said, May/June, and, as far as she knows, i only discovered that she had been continuing the A (or at least contact W/om) on July 23, 2017.

Following that, i have been doing less and less "policing" as you say, or "monitoring" and, since December, almost none at all. I did the deep dive on her phone because it was easy and an almost "no risk" proposition to do so and I hadn't checked up on her in long time.

why do you think it's not an affair? I'm just asking how you'd know.

I could give you a detailed explanation but the bottom line is lack of opportunity. I suppose she could have feelings for him and there is no way for sure i would know that (though i think i would suspect... she's fairly transparent that way) but right now i am pretty confident that there has not been anything that would qualify as an "A", unless you are being VERY broad with that definition. That said, i am definitely uncomfortable with her boundary-setting and awareness.

I'm not sure what else you have, but if this is her boss, I'd want her to work elsewhere b/c it's way WAY out of bounds to text that type of thing to a boss or for him to text it to a subordinate.

Not her boss, and it's questionable as to whether or not he is a suprior. He is definitely not a "direct" superior. W is a front office manager for entire office, and also secretary for one of the doctors (a different one) in a multi-doctor practice. She reports directly to 1) Her doctor and 2) The overall practice manager. I think the "friend" doctor may have input at some point on front office performance, but he's not a supervisor. My W has been there a good bit longer than he has, over 25 years, so she has some "pull".