Should i leave the house or stay?

[25yearsmlc]

Neutral,

I read thru your whole thread. What LH says really rings true to me. Sorry, but your situation is Not that uncommon around here, and it hit me the same way it hit LH.

You feel some responsibility for the messy issues in the m, which you helped create in b/c evidently you had some deficits as a h. You describe them as "many" and as fairly serious. Okay, I get that. It is NO small thing.

It's hard work to SEE our flaws, CHOOSE to change, and then MAKE the changes, AND KEEP them.

I know this from personal experience.

If I were you, I would absolutely work on those traits, b/c they are not desirable in you, according to YOU.

We all have our "stuff" to work on and sometimes we can be brought to our knees realizing our part in the pain we feel.

But not changing is pretty crazy, (against our own interests), it's selfish b/c it hurts others, and it's cowardly not to work on those.

We all have to face ourselves and "man/woman up" to be our best selves - or at least not our mediocre selves.

Having said that^^^, and stipulating that ^^^^ it's a big deal,

there is something else going on here.

You & your w are not behaving like a married couple.

Your marriage started out in an unusual way b/c you said you only married to purchase a home, so the relationship sounds as if it began as less than a committed marriage usually begins.

So maybe there has been a lack of clarity about what your relationship really is, for some time.

For a marriage or R to last, the people in it have to have similar views of what that relationship is, and what it takes from each to keep it going.

Seems you two have different views of what you each committed to, and what you are each willing to do for the relationship itself.


She's got one foot out the door and has said as much. In some ways you do too.

You are there as a father to your son, as a housemate and sometime companion to your wife...

It's almost as if you have put yourself into the role of a gay friend.