Well, I’m still here and feeling better than I have in a looong time. Still not married nor divorced and I’m okay with that for now.
I gained about 10 pounds of winter weight that I’m working off to get back to my beach body (joke). I bought myself that present. It wasn’t for w or kids or the house. It was just for me and I’m happy with my purchase. I went away for the weekend, just the kids and me and we had a great time. Work is going great.
I’m reading and thinking more about forgiveness and what that means. I am continuing to keep my distance and she has been continuing to warm up to me. She laid her head on my chest one night and snuggled with me for a little while before going to her room. I resisted the temptation to do anything sexual as I didn’t sense any desire other than to be close. I think she may suggest we sleep together again (sleep, not sex). She asked if we can go out on a date and I said yes. I’ll keep it low key, nothing fancy. Also, she said she had a falling out with her pro-divorce single friend.
Just want to say thanks for all of you who have walked this path with me. Looking back, I was a giant, depressed mess when I started posting here. And as you have said, even if I don’t save the M, I’ll have saved myself. Peace.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, you are doing really well. So happy you feel better than you have in quite a while. Things are sure looking interesting, you even got a date lined up.
You have come a very long way. Much respect for you.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Well, no reconciliation dreams this week. Instead, I’ve been having ultra realistic nightmares where we are fighting with each other. The dreams are so real that I wake up screaming and my heart is racing and I can’t fall back to sleep.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Well, no reconciliation dreams this week. Instead, I’ve been having ultra realistic nightmares where we are fighting with each other. The dreams are so real that I wake up screaming and my heart is racing and I can’t fall back to sleep.
Yep - had those too. The wake-up is usually around 2:00 am for me when they happen.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
This sounds pretty good so far Gordie, however, do you get the feeling that she is actually changing from the inside or do you think she is still kinda lost? Does it feel genuine?
My W still is totally lost oftentimes between the few snuggling moments we have once in a while...
Well, sounds like the stress is spilling out during your sleep which is pretty normal given all you've been through.
Just want you to know I am thinking of you. Keep taking care of you and your kiddos.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks for stopping by. Yes, sleep has recently been very interrupted. Maybe I’m just acting happy on the outside and internalizing the stress. Is she actually turning around? I hope so, but I don’t know. Trying to keep my expectations low. It works better that way. When I raise them, something happens to remind me that we are still deep in the woods.
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Journaling
So many have said that at BD both partners were likely unhappy. It’s taken 18 months but I am realizing some of the ways I was unhappy too. More when I have time.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
So many have said that at BD both partners were likely unhappy. It’s taken 18 months but I am realizing some of the ways I was unhappy too. More when I have time.
Gordie
It is not uncommon for both sides to re-write the history of the marriage, at BD they are scrambling to justify their actions which puts the LBS into scrambling trying to talk them out of it painting the picture of family and how happy they are while the other paints as miserable a picture as they can ... truth is both are on opposite ends of the extreme to promote their own agenda.
Took me a long time to realize I was in denial about the state of my marriage .. I was neither happy nor unhappy .. just 'there' going through the motions and doing what I thought I was to do to 'make' her happy .... foolish and something I now recognize more out of co-dependent rather than 'love' tbh, it was not love when she was in full replay/monster mode.
So we pull back and reflect ... we actually start putting ourselves first and place those boundaries as we do the mirror work. Your W may be processing alot and looking at herself in a different light, allow her to do this and keep doing your own mirror work and ask yourself what a happy marriage looks like to you... in time you can start working towards this but for now remember she most likely can only work on herself before she can really roll her sleeves up and work on the marriage.
