Just a Vanilla change 36

[Vanilla]

Recently I have had some lucid dreams, unlike the period where I slept very badly. I can sleep although it isn't that refreshing for me.

In my dreams I exchange conversations with those in my life who have died, although I can't always remember it, I get a sense of peace.

Strangely aged pa isn't among those I have chatted with. They include a close friend who committed suicide, my cat Big G, a neighbour who was wise and beautiful, a friend who was recently murdered by her abusive ex, my grandad, little brother, and a friend who died last year.

I am not saying much in these dreams, it is the others who talk and tell me, largely sitting in conservatories or gardens.

I am finding it hard to find meaning in the dreams unless these are my support team. So far it has been those I know well, but there is no advice. Largely they are disclosing their 'secrets' although why or for which purpose my mind is unsure.

Big G just wanted to sit and then to snooze, his worried ginger face very close to mind. I heard him breathe and sigh before he padded away behind the apple tree.

I would like aged pa to come in my dreams, but I think he has already passed to his future home. I have already said goodbye.

I never dream about H1. I know a boyfriend I had after H1 has died because he has visited me in my dreams. This R was a mistake, I used bf as a bandage to ease my grief. It was hurtful of me and although I never deceived bf or told him I loved him, he had expectations. I let that R drift on too long because it was comfortable and the sex was good. I did not cheat on bf in any way, but I am not proud of letting that R get so one sided. So I am not surprised that he came in my dream for my remorse. Perhaps it was YM35 that triggered that dream.

What would Freud think of that? I ask myself.

So far no sightings of the G in my dreams, I had many night and day terrors of him once upon a time, so I guess he is still alive somewhere.

V