Listen I remember the struggle to focus on the simples tasks, not wanting to do anything, obsessively stuck in an emotional state of shock and trying to figure things out. We all have to find our way through this and it is a process.
But some of the best advice I got from experienced people is just focus on right now. Not five minutes, one week, one month, one year. Go minute by minute, day by day. Do little and big things to focus on yourself and work constantly to take focus off your spouse and what has happened. Exercise, eat well, have a routine, see friends, do things, doesn't matter if you feel like it. Sometimes you just do the things and it help. Yes I know it is very very hard. I picked things I have always loved and returned to them with a passion. It helped, not immediately but it was helping little by little and eventually I found they helped a lot.
You are probably very depressed, it is completely normal. If you can somehow go to your doctor and get medication to help in the short term. Anti depressants and if needed sleep aid. Sleep is important, get regular sleep, patterned sleep. It really alters mood. Walk, as much as you can. Exercise elevates mood and helps with motivation, doesn't have to be anything dramatic. Meet friends, family, support, don't isolate, do whatever it takes to get positive nurturing.
Post here, a lot, journal, vent. Others here all know what its like, what you are going through, we all understand and sympathize and care. We all are somewhere along this road. But I guarantee you we have all been where you are now.
Keep reading here and wherever you can to see you are not alone, this is not unique, it has nothing to do with you, and you can not fix it or help it. So you HAVE TO detach and heal. Go no contact or as much as possible, this is for you. Don't touch the hot stove by contacting, it will just hurt. It may go against all your instincts, but this situation is NOT normal, and the NORMAL approach doesn't work.
You have work to do, use this as a time of growth and healing and you may find that you come out stronger and better than when you went in. And this is both for you and for you to have ANY hope of ever rebuilding your marriage. Be a beacon, an example.
I know it all sounds like words, but these are words of wisdom I learned from others and have learned slowly the truth of them.
