Ah......leave it to a former WW to tell a LBH how to detach!
I don't know that there is a secret formula. I've read many posts from LBS's who say that it is getting out and really GAL like crazy.........not just pretend something is you GAL. No, I don't think hanging out with your sister and other relatives is enough. It's better than not having any other adults in your life, but it is a comfort zone. I think you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Having family is so important......and such a blessing, but you need to encompass more.
Revenge may help us lose weight or make other changes in ourselves, but is it really a healthy way to live out the rest of your life? I don't think it is, simply b/c the object of our revenge has to stay up front in our mind, or we might lose the motivation it gave us. And if that object is constantly motivating us, then how can we possibly emotionally detach from it?
If I was single and became interested in a new man, and I saw that all his motivation came from revenge.........I would take off running.......and especially if it's revenge against his ex. Do you see the unheathiness in it? If or when the revenge finally dies out.....what is left? And, I can almost garantee that those close to you can see it in you. Maybe you haven't tried to hide it.....but whether or not you have..... Whatever is in your head/heart will come out in some fashion.
I think it's a little telling that you don't feel motivated toward your business. I can't remember if that was a big complaint from your W, but I remember the other things. Surely you have thought about this, and realize you are not motivated in your business b/c you don't feel you have anything to prove to your W about your job.
Quote:
Many of the "Shoulder to cry on " friends have stopped calling
Unfortunately, people either don't know anything left to say......and feel as they should. There are some who kind of give up and think you should shut up about it and move on. Maybe you could try calling them and talking about something other than what all you've done to correct your W's former complaints, or talking about your W......period. Save that for the board. What could you talk about if not for those two areas? If it is hard to think of anything.......then your world may be too small. GAL, showing concern and doing things for others......will help us in many ways. It even helps us become more interesting when we talk to old friends. .
Maybe you should consider seeing an IC, as a way to deal with your thoughts/feelings. You have talked a good talk, and you have done a fantastic job at correcting those old complaint targets, however, I am concerned you have pushed emotions down that you need to deal with. That could be another reason you are having trouble detaching.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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