Even if I´m at gym and sun is shining, I miss W and mood is bad. When W gives a bit of positive signals, mood goes up despite what else happens.
Completely normal this early after BD. It gets better slowly over time.
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Quite natural i guess under the circumstances, but still I find this concerning. I have even thought if I have some kind of codependency issues or if I just have been obsessed in what I can´t get - wife?
Codependency gets discussed here like it's a bad word, but it is completely normal and natural in a lengthy marriage to have at least some amount of codependency. I mean isn't that what M is, being there for each other? Having someone there when you're hurting and needy? Being there for them when they are the same? Helping each other with errands and such? So of course when that person is suddenly gone you feel a huge loss and you think about them and miss them. If your W died would people tell you "you just need to get over it and move on"? Of course not, they would be sympathetic to your grief. Yet ironically when your spouse leave you that's EXACTLY what people tell you! What you are feeling is normal and takes time to work through.
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Also there are these typical fears of loneliness and if I never love anyone like my wife again.
That's normal too. I knew I was finally recovering when I was able to say to myself "I may very well be alone the rest of my life, and I am OK with that." Part of recovery is learning to love yourself again, and to feel whole even when you are by yourself.
